“What will knowing myself do for me?” you ask.  It can provide you with all the benefits listed below and more.  Knowing ourselves is life changing for most of us.  Completion of a temperament key opens the doors of our minds to the many insights self-understanding offers.  Our relationships benefit.  Life begins to sparkle as our knowledge expands with the vistas new perceptions bring.

10 Benefits of Knowing Myself

Here are ten benefits, but not by any means the total, of what this lifelong adventure in self-understanding may give you.  Ten ways you will benefit and grow (you will find many more).

Knowing yourself will mean you will:

1. Be able to examine your own understanding of yourself and dig deeply into why you think, feel, and act the way you do.
2. Find and better understand your individual design and its purpose, finding the path to ultimate fulfillment in life.
3. Be better able to understand the behavior of others.
4. Have a growing appreciation of the differences among those you know. The temperament of a person will become a starting point for the understanding of them and lead to the growth of exciting, rewarding relationships.
5. Be able to better avoid damaging others with judgmental attitudes and a display of ignorance that tells them you do not know them at all.
6. Have “tools” to develop true love and respect for others.
7. Discover how temperament affects our learning style, success, motivations, depressive moods, relationship breakdowns, etc. You will actually become a light in the darkness of yours and other persons’ failures.
8. Learn the secrets of bonding with others — understanding.
9. Be better able to lift the sagging self-esteem of those who feel different and/or inferior to others.
10. Parent like never before the more you understand your child and you will not painfully cry out, “I just don’t understand you.” You will study your child from a new perspective.

The Blessing of Knowing Myself

May your life be lit up with the knowledge of the immaterial and unseen operations of the amazing creature we call a human.

Be who you are! And let others be who they are!

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Our understanding of how we function must constantly adjust to new data as science expands its knowledge of us and our self-understanding increases. Also, there is much that experience can teach us — information gathered from simply living our lives (like information we gather about a car when we drive it) and much knowledge which temperament psychology and other academic disciplines have amassed, all adding to our insights.  So what have we learned about the emotional mind?  Let’s take a closer look.

Have You Found Your Mind?

What the mind is and where it is (if that really matters or can be known with any certainty) are subjects of much dispute. The theory that our minds (thoughts and feelings) are robotic and controlled by the physical operations of the brain does not do justice to the facts of how we live our lives.  Nor is it conclusive from brain research. But life is not concerned with such academic interests. We make our choices as though we are in control.  So, we will explore the control the mind has over the emotions and vice versa. We are concerned with how we can live better lives.

Love, music, passion, intrigue, heroism — these are the things that make life worthwhile.
~ Stendhal

Are WE in Control of Our Emotions?  Or Is It Our Brain?

We will speak of the mind as if it can be influenced by processes in the brain.  But it can also be the instigator of our thoughts and feelings, giving us this sense of control over what we think and feel. When we have control over what we think and feel, we can be responsible for our lives and become the master of our own destinies. We are at the wheel — not our brain.

At times we may feel out of control, directed by forces we can’t manage. But we always know that, somehow, self-control is the norm we must return to. There is an inner urge to be the masters of our destiny.

The Emotional Mind of an SJ

Control is a drive seared into the core of the SJ temperament.

Tony felt its power that day as he sat, serious and defeated, in my study. But something had gone wrong. His wife had left him.  And although he fought to show it had not incapacitated him, inside he was crushed. Strangely, he thought to himself, it wasn’t so much the loss of his wonderful wife that worried him most.  It was his admission to himself that he had failed to control (there’s that word again) an important area of his life. His self-esteem had taken a serious blow with his wife’s departure. But as with events, both negative and positive, a chain reaction in our emotions often takes place. He had also lost his sense of who he was and where he and his life were going. He had lost his direction and his destiny. Everything collapses when this happens.

We Have the Power to React as We Choose

However, Tony was still at the wheel. He could make decisions and gain his direction again, maybe even retrieve more than he had lost of his dream. His relationship mistakes were to be admitted. But his sense of self-mastery had not vanished because he still had the power to react in anyway he chose. All he needed was to recover his strengths and his understanding of how to use them effectively. This ability of the human mind to take control after loss and failure gives us our resilience and describes the non-robotic nature of human life.

The Importance of Understanding the Emotional Mind

Each reader will take away something different from this topic because we read it through our own temperaments. Please note: If you are an NF or have an F in your profile, the knowledge this topic contains will help you, in particular, to function with greater understanding, release, and confidence. For parents, you will find help in understanding not only how we all are made but how we are all made to function.  And this will help you in the difficult task of raising that most complicated organism in the universe, your child.

My hope is that this book will lead you, as its content has led many others, to be intelligently emotional. If it helps you to develop the intelligent use of your emotions and a rewarding lifestyle, my labor will not have been in vain.  You can access it HERE.  If you are subscribed to our weekly updates, our next issue will provide a link to purchase it with a 15% discount and free shipping.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Lean into the whole truth.  Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are.  Discover how to best engage your children in finding the whole truth.  INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence and Happiness, is a great resource.

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too.  If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation.  An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. If you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back because you can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

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Today, we begin a new journey.  What can I promise you in this series?  If you will follow these short articles with a keen intent to understand why you think, feel, and act the way you do, you will get a real grasp of how to steer yourself through life (body and soul or “soma and pneuma,” as the ancient Greeks expressed it) and super-charge your strengths for your greatest personal success.  Perhaps you’re passionate about making a difference in our world, or you feel driven to become the best you can be.  (Awesome goals!)  Where do you want success?  Is it in relationships, achievements, work, or maybe parenting?  Wherever you locate your passionate desires, it is there that the great drama of self-knowledge  (with a self-understanding in great depth) transforms your dreams into rock-solid realities.  Board this life-changing train!  Don’t just stand and watch it speed into your future without you.  

What’s Deep On the Inside Shows ∴ Acquire a Self-Understanding

We begin to acquire a self-understanding by understanding our similarities to others of our own species.  We might put it this way: what’s on the inside soon shows on the outside.  And what becomes most obvious are our similarities to others.  People leave an impression on us.  When we describe someone to others, we often compare them to those we know.  Of course, we share some of our weaknesses and bad points with others, too.  But our weaknesses and bad points don’t define who we are.  

Are Others Seeing the Real You?

The essence of who we are is not the same as the behavior we exhibit.  We often say, “That’s not who you are, or that’s not like you.”  Our strengths that make up our inner core are a much more reliable expression of who we really are.  So keep your focus on them as we discuss similarities.  Similarities — not weaknesses — more accurately group us.  So let’s leave the weaknesses out of this.  

Categorized People By Their Similarities, Not Their Differences

Perhaps like many, you don’t appreciate it when someone lumps you together with others.  We all have often heard, “I don’t want to be put into a box!”  You’ll hear this objection to anything that seems to categorize people.  Each of us has the feeling that we are different from others — all others.  That’s a pervasive feeling in the human race.  The feeling is born out of the fact that we are all individuals and unique. 

However, whether we like it or not, categorizing by means of our similarities is the first step to a helpful self-understanding.  As you will soon see, I am not advocating we start comparing ourselves to others to find out who we are.  To discover who we are, we must focus on our inner self (core) and its strengths.  We require a self-understanding in depth.  Now, let’s first take a more detailed and thoughtful look at what categorization does and does not do.  

Categorizing All the Time Is Normal

Humans categorize (or box) everything!  All dogs are categorized as dogs.  (I wonder.  Do the Great Dane and the Chihuahua appreciate being lumped together in the same category?)  Cats, as cats; insects, as insects, and so on.  We also lump people together (whether they like it or not) as red-haired, stocky, thin, tall or short, red, white, black, brown, or yellow, etc.   We call people moody, happy, bipolar, schizophrenic, and short-in-the-grain — categorizing all the time!   

The Big Picture Appears First — A Self-Understanding Identifies What Others See

We categorize each other because the big picture (not all the tiny details about us, presents itself to others first.  This big picture emanates from who we are at our core, expressing how we are internally designed.  After a few verbal exchanges with someone, we often find ourselves saying something like this, “Oh, she’s a sweet person,” because a characteristic becomes apparent in the big picture we see of them.   Although we may not like the characteristics we see about ourselves and that others see in us, they remain a reality (regardless of our like or dislike of them) if they have been accurately observed as truly us.  Hence, a self-understanding is helpful to our presentation of ourselves.

Is Categorizing Harmful?

Categorizing is, however, still suspected of being a harmful action because some would have us believe that categorizing marginalizes the differences among us.  This complaint is only true if we are categorizing by our differences.  Differences don’t really give us the opportunity to accurately categorize them because differences are infinite. 

Similarities, on the other hand, are finite.  And when our similarities are pointed out, another objection is that they fail to give adequate emphasis to our differences.  This is true only if we think our differences have any real part in determining who we really are at our core. 

I am suggesting they do not.  Our strengths are the core of who are.  And they are what we need to concentrate on and develop if we are going to really achieve a self-understanding that is helpful in order to be our best.  Categorizing, in all honesty, does no harm.  

Stop Categorizing Others If You Do Not Want Them to Categorize You

It scares some people that others might place them “in a box” because of what it might reveal about who they are.  In all fairness, we could ask such persons to cease categorizing other people.  Even if we eliminate all references to differences or similarities among us with the excuse that differences and similarities polarize or marginalize us, the very fact of our differences and similarities will remain truths, regardless.  Our sensitivities and fears can blind us to truth whenever they are permitted to control our thinking.  

A Self-Understanding Comes from Understanding Our “Core” (InnerKi

InnerKinetics^® (the understanding of our core) holds to the maxim that we are all unique while still sharing common characteristics with others.   InnerKinetics also insists that we are all uniquely and wonderfully made whatever our similarities are with others, whatever the box (temperament) we occupy.  So, in no way is it (nor should it be) used to disparage anybody.   Implied in the true understanding of our InnerKinetics is the fact that we have all been wonderfully made — even if our behavior at times raises doubts about it.  The amazing powers of our strengths and our design are our ticket to being our best.

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The fear abates: “Oh what a relief!”  InnerKinetics® consultants hear that all the time.  “I always wondered why I was so impulsive,” say some clients; “… so sensitive,” say others; “… so constantly comparing myself to others or feeling I had to be right,” someone else will say.  We all wonder why we are not like others.  But others seem to want to make us like them and try to “guilt” us if we are not.  Self-understanding brings relief from our fears and brings confidence.

It’s not so much guilt about being a bad person or just different, but it’s having them tell us we are not as responsible in making good decisions, whatever they are.  It’s about always being judged as somehow inferior.  Then one day we complete a temperament assessment and discover that we are not less than others.  We are who we are, and that is not only okay — it is good!

I remember the stir of hope that a book written some decades ago created with its message: I’m OK, You’re OK!” Many found it a life renewer, but not enough to help them complete the task of being fully who they are.

Discovering our true selves dispels the fear and brings relief

It’s only when we discover why we feel, think and act the way we do that relief comes.  We are who we are: different and wonderful, not different and needing to be changed.  It’s a great relief to a sore self-esteem to feel good instead of bad, to feel clean — just simply normal and okay.

Life starts again when we don’t need the approval of others or the pat on the back to feel good about ourselves.  Rather, we now know we are like many others who are gifted with strengths that are beneficial and important.  We learn that the world needs us just like it needs the strengths of those who don’t see us as who or what they want us to be.

Are you going through life, wrestling with the fear that you are not worth as much as others and that your are more likely to be laughed at or just avoided?  For most of us, fear holds us back.  We — all of us — need to overcome our fears, and that starts with having no anxiety about our own value and worth.

Here is what to do to overcome this fear and feel a real sense of worth:

1. Complete the InnerKinetics® Temperament Key (there’s one at the bottom of this page).  Then read the detailed description of your temperament. (You will find one in INNERKINETICS*).
2. Stand tall and realize that the way you have been designed is great.
3. ‘Different’ means you have something unique that others need.
4. Don’t let others put you down.  If you don’t want to confront them, just ignore their statements and move on.
5. Begin a deliberate effort to like and love the strengths that will shape who you are and the way you can influence your world.

The more we know ourselves, the better we will live.  This is so life releasing, we will be able to fully reach our potential.

*INNERKINETICS, by Ray W. Lincoln, will give you a full description of your temperament and its strengths and will guide you in how to develop them.

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In previous articles, we have discussed the importance of understanding our individual design and the importance played by our preferences in determining that design, while acknowledging the impact our design has on our relationships.  Since our preferences are indicators of our design, determining what our individual preferences are becomes an important next step in self-understanding.

What are your preferences?

We all have preferences and conduct our lives mostly by them.  We feel uncomfortable when we don’t.  From as early as teenage, we have been concerned with them, wondering who we really are.  Perhaps our friends and foes have a few answers to that!  We need to know what the real answer is so that we can be who we are and experience our best.  So, let’s be more conscious of our preferences, which are the result of the urges and drives inside of us that shape our lives and form our temperament.

No one can tell us what our preferences are or what the urges and drives inside us are.  We must discover and confirm them ourselves, and that means asking ourselves the right questions to get the right answers.

How can I identify my preferences?

Questionnaires have been devised to help us do just that.  Even if you have completed one of these in the past, do it again because we are constantly getting to know ourselves better.

A Temperament Assessment Is a Great Starting Point

Complete the InnerKinetics® Temperament Key*, which is based on mainline research that you can rely on and has proven successful for thousands.

Note the following:

• Remember, no one can tell you what your core temperament or preferences are.  You are the only one who knows.
• Read the instructions carefully and answer the questions accordingly.
• Find your results as scored by our app.
• Read the short descriptions that you will receive as followup of the temperaments (a description of inner urges and drives) because you must verify all results.
• You will probably find that you will say to yourself when trying to answer some of the questions, “Well, it depends.”  But remember, there is only one answer that you need: which answer applies most often?
• When you read the summaries, you may find that you identify with more than one of the descriptions.  Again, the correct one is the one you identify as most like you.
• You do not have to share the results with a friend or anyone unless you choose to for personal beneficial purposes.
• It is a scientific way of self-understanding, so it is unbiased.
• No harm will come to you!

Go ahead, but READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FIRST!

With Your New Self-Understanding…

Having asked the right questions and answered them, you will now have an idea of who you dominantly are and you will have discovered your strengths through your preferences.

Now we can talk about “the real wonderful you” in a way that will revolutionize your life and propel you on the essential path of self-knowledge.

You will have four letters as a result of your completing the temperament key.  Those four letters represent your type.  Two of the letters within those four will identify your temperament, which I prefer to refer to as your InnerKinetics®.  Reasons for that will be revealed as we proceed, but for now, it’s the TWO LETTERS that we will be most concerned with and the meaning of which will be revealed and discussed as we proceed through subsequent articles.

If you’d like to proceed more rapidly, you might want to consider getting INNERKINETICS, so you can dig deeply at your own pace.

You might also like:

Self-Understanding Steps 1: How Are We Designed?

InnerKinetics® Shape Us

The post How to Discover Your Preferences appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Self-understanding requires a few basic steps.  The first and most crucial is to consider our design

Are people different from each other?  Of course.    Your partner or child is different from you.  Ever noticed that?  Self-understanding begins when you realize that each of us is different from others.  Have you ever wondered about why your children are different from you?  Well, here is why:  We are each designed as unique individuals and the design begins to reveal itself very early in life.  If you are a parent, you experience that revelation all too well, at times.  If the design is misread or not read at all, it can cause real failure in any relationship.  Furthermore, when you know how those close to you are designed and you have learned to appreciate their differences, you can have the relationships of your dreams.  Read on.

As in architecture, people have similarities like buildings have similarities.  However, architectural design creates uniqueness for purpose just as our human design creates uniqueness.  Unlike architectural design, however, which can be duplicated many times over, human design is never duplicated in the same exact way.  Hence the need for self-understanding.  When the ‘design’ is misread or misunderstood, the results can be tragic.  But when there is self-understanding, the results breed happiness and success.

Do you know your own design?

Would it make a difference to how you view yourself if you knew how you were designed and why you think, feel and act the way you do?  Don’t tell anyone, but this knowledge (and the understanding of it) is the secret to personal success.  We malfunction when we try to be someone we are not.  Knowing ourselves is key to being able to function at our best and that makes sense, doesn’t it?

Relationships are impacted by different designs

What would it mean if we knew how our partner, co-worker or child was designed?

Did you know that the causal failure behind nearly all upsets in relationships is a lack of understanding each other?

So, here’s the answer to the question of how we are designed.  

In an age of great intellectual brilliance, some two-and-one-half millenniums ago we had the first suggestion of how we are designed. Hippocrates, thinking of the similarities that people share, said he saw four different types of people.  And to the present day, philosophers, physicians, novelists and others have agreed with his observations.  All our research into temperament confirms how we have instinctively understood the differences in humans.  It’s a compelling story and one that is often overlooked.  Our temperament (the core drives and urges that shape our lives) reveals our basic design.

Brace for some amazing relationships from parent, to spouse, to leader, to coworker and friend

• Understand your child!  Wouldn’t that be great?
• Understand your partner and learn to love what you see.  Turn irritations into appreciations.
• Understand your employees, workmates, even your boss!  Yes, you can gain that advantage!
• Understand how each design is good and can make us into exceptional people if we follow and develop the core strengths of our design.
• Learn to trace the problems you encounter with yourself and others to the misunderstandings that we have over how we are really made.

There’s much ahead in the articles I have prepared for you this year that will positively change your life, so follow me weekly in 2017 and share these short articles with your friends.  In one year you could become relationally brilliant!

Check the website often as new things are constantly appearing.

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