emotion Archives - RayWLincoln.com

Long-Term Training of Your Mind

Ray W. Lincoln — Thu, 16 Oct 2025 21:27:20 +0000

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

As we discussed in two previous articles, there are four tools we should employ to harness our runaway emotions and gain high EQ. Those tools, to reiterate, are breathing, applying your “brakes”, resisting negative thoughts, and long-term training of your mind. And as we mentioned, the amygdala is not only the speedster in the brain, always grabbing the first response to any concern, but it is also the hot spot of emotional response. How can we cool this warning device? Two methods will help in the long term to train our minds and cool the amygdala.

First Method: Revisit and Rewrite

Our memories of past emotional responses can be revisited and rewritten. Anyone can do this. Simply recall the experience that caused you to be emotionally traumatized and then think through why you don’t need to react with such emotional heat. Cool your thoughts about the need to be so upset. In your mind, see yourself acting with emotional control. This is called “rewriting the memory.”

Build strong, helpful memories by rehearsing these new thoughts and preparing yourself for milder future replays when this memory is triggered again.

Method Two: Delayed Gratification

Learn to postpone gratification. The need for immediate satisfaction leads to poor emotional intelligence. When we were young, we felt we were in control of ourselves, but our decisions often told a different story. We wanted everything now, and our emotions flared in response to our wishes. Practicing postponing gratification is an excellent tool of intelligence that we all need. Not only does it remind us of the power of our emotions, but of the wisdom of a bit of self-denial.

As we age, we tend to relax our self-discipline because we feel we have earned a break from life’s pressures. Isn’t that what retirement is all about for most people? However, it’s a trap that sounds reasonable, but it is never wise. Vigilance over the ever-present power of negative emotions cannot be relaxed at any age.

Conclusion

With these intelligent responses, we will have a far greater chance of emotional control and wisdom.

EQ is more important to successful living than IQ. Use these tools and become a master of your emotions. Don’t give up if you don’t succeed quickly. You may have a big hole to dig yourself out of. You will grow and, in the process, recast the landscape of your mind. Successful control and a higher EQ are just ahead.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

Ray W. Lincoln will demonstrate how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament enables us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional will show you the way. The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Lean into the whole truth. Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are. Learn how to effectively engage your children in discovering the whole truth. INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence, will guide you in that

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you prefer to be more independent and want to cut to the chase, you don’t need to wait for a callback. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgency of crooked thinking in our culture and in the world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world. We achieve this by recognizing the source of our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln

The post Long-Term Training of Your Mind appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

How Your Mind Tool Achieves EQ

Ray W. Lincoln — Mon, 13 Oct 2025 18:55:57 +0000

Achieving a high EQ (which requires controlling runaway emotions), as we have discussed, requires implementing some helpful tools. Previously, we have discussed two of these tools: breathing and applying your brakes. Two additional ones are paramount to achieving our goal: resisting negative thoughts and long-term training of your mind. Both involve your mind. Therefore, consider the importance of the health of your mind to your success.

Tool #3 for Controlling Runaway Emotion: Resist Negative Thoughts

Negative emotions live off negative thoughts. When we fight our runaway emotions, negative thinking will keep returning to gain control of our mind even if we have successfully changed to a positive mental landscape. Resisting repeatedly is not only possible and easier the more we resist, but it is the path to mental control — laborious at times, but effective.

Long-term Training of Your Mind Is Tool #4

The amygdala is not only the speedster in the brain, always grabbing the first response to any concern, but it is also the hot spot of emotional response. How can we cool this warning device? Two methods will help in the long term. We’ll discuss them in the next article.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

The post How Your Mind Tool Achieves EQ appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Your Brakes Are Emotional Control Tool #2

Ray W. Lincoln — Sat, 04 Oct 2025 22:07:08 +0000

When a vehicle is moving at a speed or in a direction that we do not want, we can stop it by applying the brakes. The runaway train of emotions can be stopped by applying the brakes at any of three stations: feelings and thoughts, decisions, and actions. Let’s carefully consider how this is possible as it applies to each of the temperaments.

First Stopping Place to Apply the Brakes: Thoughts and Feelings

The way we are made provides us with three points of intervention, all of which can be successful. All alerts produce an emotional reaction and are first perceived as thoughts or feelings. At this point, the surge is hard to stop unless we can arrest it and, by forcibly taking the window of opportunity, calm the emotion with reason.

Why is it so hard for the SP, SJ, and NF to do this? (The NT is practiced at this intervention, and does it almost automatically most of the time.)

SP

The SP is driven to make the surge of emotion succeed so as not to lose the moment and what it offers. Therefore, it is difficult to arrest their urge for success with the instruction to stop and think. It is a learned skill that they must practice, starting with small challenges and gradually becoming more adept.

SJ

The SJ, when disturbed by a loss of control, is equally driven to succeed. However, the urgency to succeed in the present moment is replaced by a determination to regain control whenever they can. They must be right and must not open the window to apprehensiveness. Therefore, they are willing to be patient in their determination to achieve what their emotions desire. Control cannot always be regained in a fleeting moment.

While the determination lasts, the disturbance continues as a fit of rage or a mood following a display of temper. Their thoughts are consumed by regaining the control or security they lost, and therefore, they are not focused on what is the most intelligent path to take. The best path can be found only when they let go of their anxiety and focus on a positive solution. The window of opportunity is the challenge to let go of their emotion’s goals.

NF

The NF’s surge is felt more intensely due to their sensitivity. All Fs, as I have mentioned, are plagued to some extent with sensitivity, but the NF supremely so. Having a complex emotional reaction means using reason to sort out the main culprit is a more challenging task. The NF often misses the window of opportunity while still sorting out the real emotion that is the culprit. The surge then intensifies, and only then is the dominant emotion identified, and they must now attempt to stop the runaway rage at the next station.

Second Place to Apply the Brakes: Decision

At this station, it is essential to remember that a non-decision is still a decision. Failing to decide to calm our emotions and think is a decision to continue the upset. Because hurt and unfairness are often the prime actors for the NF, they get stuck in regurgitating their hurt. It may seem easy for another temperament (especially the Ts) to criticize them for this inability because the T personality has exited at the first station. For the Ts, this second station is often passed without thought.

The Third Stopping Place: Action

Before the cycle repeats itself and strengthens, the emotionally intelligent person must disembark at this station. It is the easiest for the NF to take. But for the SJ, who is locked in determination, it is perhaps the most difficult. All temperaments who have not completed the previous two stations must take this one or risk losing control. As we have already pointed out, the sages and wise people of all ages have recognized this station as the real opportunity to disembark.

To get off the train at this station, we must choose an action that will encourage a positive emotion — the opposite of the negative one that is controlling us, as we have pointed out: an action of love to calm the hate, etc. This truly puts the brakes on. Teach and train yourself or your child not to miss this station. And whenever they are angry and distressed, they should think of an action that will be loving, kind, respectful, or compassionate.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

The post Your Brakes Are Emotional Control Tool #2 appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Essential Tools to Control Runaway Emotions

Ray W. Lincoln — Tue, 30 Sep 2025 18:08:53 +0000

Now that we’ve completed the essential preparatory steps, it’s time to name and discuss the essential tools we need to control runaway emotions. We’ve prepared by gaining knowledge of our temperament and examining what some of the other temperaments look like, as well as how they struggle with runaway emotions. Now, let’s pick up the tools we need and learn how to use them to our greatest advantage. Our goal is intelligent emotions (a high EQ) that will serve us well throughout our lives. Let’s begin with Essential Tool #1: Breathing.

Breathing to Calm the Emotions

Sighs are therapeutic. And nothing gives such immediate relief that we can feel like the inbuilt, relaxing, calming effect of a breathing exercise. Here (in a modified form) is an exercise that Herbert Benson, M.D. suggests in his book The Relaxation Response. Although he is offering a method to relax, it also calms the emotions as the parasympathetic nervous system is activated.

Breathe in calmly and deeply using the diaphragm. Do not gulp in a lot of air, as an excess of oxygen can stimulate the body into action. Just remember, slow and quiet.
Expel that breath, making it feel like a relaxing sigh. As you exhale, sense the calming effect of activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
Continue breathing in this way and focus on feeling the effect of this breathing process on your body. Your focus on the physical feelings it produces helps distract from the emotion.
For maximum effect, exhale for a slightly longer time than you inhale.

When teaching this to a child, persist with kind insistence until they breathe with you. When they learn the technique, they will use it to calm themselves, and you will know you have taught them a valuable lesson.

Next tool (in the next article): Putting on the Brakes

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

The post Essential Tools to Control Runaway Emotions appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

How the Temperaments Handle Runaway Emotions

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 19 Sep 2025 15:39:15 +0000

Runaway emotions are not respecters of which temperament we happen to be. Each temperament handles or mishandles runaway emotions with different goals, pressures, and methods. The cool, calm NT is not necessarily a master at handling emotion, although it may seem that way (annoyingly sometime) to the passionate NF. And the optimistic, free spirit that an SJ occasionally observes in the SP as “irresponsible” does not necessarily mishandle runaway emotions, either. Let’s take a look at each of the temperaments and how they might handle/mishandle runaway emotions.

In-the-Moment SP

The SP is always in the moment, and sometimes that moment can offer a pleasure or excitement that is to them, in that moment, irresistible. If some person or thing blocks their urge, their goal becomes the neutralizing of the opposing force at any cost. Their anger can reach violent proportions quickly and remain until a solution has been reached.

In comparison to other temperaments, however, the SP’s anger quickly subsides and all is back to normal. The tantrum has a goal, recognized or not. Its accomplishment is what the tantrum is all about — a tantrum with a clear purpose. This is typical for the SP. But, of course, other patterns can emerge and can be borrowed from other temperaments for the same purpose. A change of focus to some other desirable alternative is the SP’s path to lasting control.

The SJ’s Goal Produces Runaway Emotions When Control Is Lost

To provoke the SJ is not so quick or easy. Their anger grows more slowly and becomes a stubborn determination that can simmer for days. It is not hurt, as in the NF; or the quick flash of anger, as in the SP. It is the setting of a mood or attitude that demands control of others and their environment.

The SJ feels insecure if they are not in control. Therefore, the loss of control is the issue and temper can be the tool of choice to regain control. If it works, the SJ will to resort to it more and more as the urge to control gains strength. For the SJ, an educated approach to realizing the benefits of not over-using control is the only real lasting path to emotionally intelligent behavior.

NT’s Fear Runaway Emotions

The NTs may be the slowest to display anger because they want to keep all appearances of emotion tightly locked away, presenting a cool, calm, almost removed expression in the face of tensions. Therefore, when they do throw a fit of rage, it is an extreme attempt to overpower whatever is keeping them from their concentrated focus on the task at hand or their chosen goal.

However, if they show repeated displays of anger, their annoyance at themselves may also be in play, since they hate the very fact that they have not controlled their emotions and have displayed what is to them a serious weakness. The restoration of self-esteem produced by success with their ingenious ideas, together with learning how to return to their typical calm, is the best road to emotional control.

NFs Are Likely to Have MULTIPLE Runaway Emotions at Once

For the NF, things are more involved. A number of emotions are typically intertwined. It’s not just one emotion that has run wild, but several have joined the field. Furthermore, just which of those emotions is the primary offending feeling is not clear — even to the NF. Anger may be mixed with hurt, self depreciation, and loss of harmony, aggravated by a sense of injustice. The focus goes back and forth from one to the other. Diagnosis of the main cause initially evades them.

Are they the only ones to suffer from a multiplicity of emotions? No. But almost every time, the NF is faced with one emotion sparking a chain reaction among their feelings. Other temperaments can usually sort out which is the main offending emotion and focus on its replacement. In short, the tensions are greater for the super sensitive NF and more complex when emotions run away in a wild frenzy.

Hurt Predominates for the NF

The hurt usually predominates. So for the NF, the recovery of harmony and love is the only real solution to the immediate problem. And the development of an intelligent understanding of themselves, together with the strengthening of a strong self-image, will lead to more permanent control.

Self-esteem Is a Key Factor in the NF’s Success

Perhaps a word about the importance of a stronger self-esteem is needed. NFs, who have a low belief in themselves, destroy the motivation that a strong belief gives them. Belief drives the human system. And they need this, above all, to handle their powerful emotions and lessen the power of surges of multiple emotions at one time.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

The post How the Temperaments Handle Runaway Emotions appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Tools to Control Runaway Emotions

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 29 Aug 2025 18:17:27 +0000

Tantrums at all ages? Parents often don’t know what to do when a child throws a tantrum and won’t stop. The emotions are in charge, of course, and sometimes even the child is unable to stop, turning purple as the tension reaches its pressure limits. Sometimes the child creates the emotion or clings to it as the parents succumb to the child’s manipulation. Adults are not free from fits of rage, either. When is it socially unacceptable to throw a tantrum — age 10, 20, 40, 60, 80? Tantrums are an emotional extreme that we must address in any discussion of emotional intelligence. We must learn to manage runaway emotions at any age.

Tantrum or Mental Illness?

Where the line is drawn between a tantrum and a mental illness is a matter of debate. But that the former can eventually lead to the latter seems clear to us all. Therefore, parents should be concerned about helping their child control their runaway emotions (tantrums) to avoid the development of a deep-seated mental pattern that will become a default system in later life.

Handling Runaway Emotions

Using all the appropriate methods of emotional control that we have discussed and, indeed, teaching and training a child to develop the fulfillment that comes from utilizing their strengths will help. An adult, if not already taught emotional control, will have to be self-taught and learn the management of their feelings (a herculean task for most) from the school of hard experience.

Temperament’s Role

Temperament has a significant impact on emotional control, as we have already found. However, I would like to explore the extremes associated with each temperament here. We’ll delve into the specifics of each temperament in the next article.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

The post Tools to Control Runaway Emotions appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Questions Lead Us to the Tools to Manage Stress

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 19:22:17 +0000

In our quest to find helpful tools to manage emotions of stress, our first step is to ask questions of ourselves about our relationship to stress itself. We’ll address some of those questions in this article and continue in the next. We’ll get the answers to all those questions so that we can move on to grab the tools that will help us manage stress.

#1 Have I Identified the Stresses that Stress Me?

When we don’t know what stressor is stressing us, the tension is more difficult to handle and, perhaps, more intense. The unknown is always unnerving. Identifying the source of stress is, therefore, paramount to successful management.

Living in the strengths of our temperament provides the best insurance against reacting negatively to stress. And keeps us focused and positively energized. It is always the first and best prevention method to keep stress manageable.

#2 Is the Stress Internal or External?

Stressors fall into two categories: internal and external.

All fear, worry, anxieties, and anger (in all its forms) are internal stress factors.
Internal stress is also created when we react negatively to an external stress or just the thought of a stressful situation.
External stress factors can also become an internal stress factor if they are not handled positively.

External stress comes from circumstances, environmental conditions, and interactions with people. There is little, at times, we can change about our external stressors. Therefore, we need to select (from the 10 tools) the tools that are best suited to us and our temperament.

Example: If we are exposed to cruel weather and we have no immediate relief, we will have to respond to the stress of the elements as creatively, positively, and consistently as we can to find the best relief possible. The focus is on removing the stress or minimizing it.

Our Temperament Strengths Are the Keys to Manage Stress

If we have become adept at living in the strengths of our temperament and using appropriate self management tools, we will also lessen the damage done to our emotional system.

Once we fall under the spell of persistent discomfort, pain or self pity, our mental fortitude vanishes and we succumb to the negative results of the stress.

Since we are concerned with emotional intelligence, we are not as focused on external stressors that are handled positively.

When we have negatively responded to a stress, we are living in our self-made weaknesses. Again, refocusing on our strengths and the enjoyable use of them is the fastest and surest way to successfully manage the stress, whatever it may be. The management of internal stress can also be aided by the right questions and by using stress management tools. Keep reading to discover the important questions to ask and how to select tools that match our inner drives and urges.

Identify Your Target

Accurately identifying the stress makes it possible to aim at the target instead of at a general feeling, the real nature of which may elude us. Most unsuccessful attempts to eliminate the negative affect of our stress is due to aiming at the wrong target or scatter-gunning in the hope of success.

#3 Do I See the Stress as Positive or Negative?

The answer to this question is especially needed for the SJ and the NF. But on occasion it is needed by all temperaments. Speed in answering this question helps greatly. The longer we live with a negative response to stress, the more stubborn the negative emotion becomes. Recognizing quickly whether our response is negative or positive produces the initial energy to fight an unwanted emotion. That simple assessment of whether we are responding to a stress positively or negatively will determine how intelligent we are going to be in handling the stress.

Look for the Silver Lining

If we see the stress as positive, we should have no problem in keeping the harmful effects of stress out of our lives. Stress can negatively impact us only if we see it as negative.

If we see the stress as a downer (a serious negative), it is time to stop and search for the positive opportunity hidden somewhere in the stress itself. That silver lining in the cloud must get our attention to prevent our focus on the dark side from soon defining us and overtaking us. Looking at the dark side of life’s circumstances shapes our character, our hopes, and our future. The road is downhill from the dark side. Looking at the light side also molds our character, hopes, and our future. The road is up from there.

Building an optimistic spirit is a great defense tool against the negative effects of stress. Optimism is a mental attitude or state. We build it by refashioning our minds.

The SP comes by optimism more naturally, whereas the SJ tends to respond by preparing for the worst (as does the NF if their future is clouded with dark options). The NT, lost in their projects, can be subject to pessimism if their project fails.

Here are some steps we can take to create an optimistic mind:

Rethink our negative emotional experiences to find the positive path we could have taken. Be a “Monday morning quarterback.” Analyze the emotional responses of the day. Hindsight is meant to be educational.
Work at taking an optimistic approach to small matters. When you do, it will become easier to think positive when the bigger problems strike. The ancient sage’s advice of “here a little, there a little” successfully eats away at a persistent, pessimistic attitude.
Develop a belief that optimism is a good choice as opposed to feeling that we are not showing enough concern if we do not worry.
Develop a belief that all will turn out good in the long run, provided our perseverance is involved together with our active prayers and hopes. The thought that bad may win in the long run demotivates faith.
Believe in yourself and your potential. You are wonderfully made.
Whenever you feel down, ask yourself for one good reason why a depressed spirit is beneficial.
Think of five good reasons why optimism is better than beginning a slide into pessimism.
Ask yourself how successful Murphy (of “Murphy’s Law” fame) must have been and where a philosophy such as his can ultimately lead us.
If you can’t find sufficient logic to prove that a negative mind is more beneficial than a positive mind, fire the negative one.

Consider in which state of mind your health really lies.

Additional guidance questions to follow in the next article.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

Ray W. Lincoln will show us how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament will enable us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional will show you the way. The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Lean into the whole truth. Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are. Discover how to best engage your children in finding the whole truth. INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence will guide you in that

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgence of crooked thinking in our culture and in our world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world. We do this by recognizing from where we derive our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln

The post Questions Lead Us to the Tools to Manage Stress appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Tools for Managing the Emotions of Stress

Ray W. Lincoln — Thu, 07 Aug 2025 19:09:12 +0000

Stress tests our emotional intelligence (or unintelligence). It acts as a trigger for our emotions and asks, “How are you going to handle this?” Stress is not the problem. How we perceive it and respond to it is potentially the problem. When circumstances stress us beyond the norm, it is only then that stress tests us in any way. Therefore, being prepared with ten tools and a plan to react intelligently when stress appears is of paramount concern to those who want to be emotionally intelligent. It’s time we learn and examined the best tools for managing the emotions of stress.

Fashion Your Own Tools to Manage the Emotions of Stress

Since many good books have been written about stress and don’t need rewriting, I will endeavor to focus on how to fashion your own tools according to the way you are made and function. You may have heard of “coping skills.” This will not be the same as learning generic coping skills. We will begin with questions to get the root of the problem. Then we will apply the tools of emotional intelligence.

The Temperaments and Stress

First, we must be aware that stress is handled differently by each temperament. This makes it impossible for some temperaments to effectively use some coping skills while, for others, the same skills may work well.

Common Factors to Watch for in Each Temperament

SP

For the SP, stress is usually avoided by finding something to do that excites or stimulates: in effect, changing focus.

SJ

The SJ takes stress seriously and tends to work even harder when stress has overwhelmed them. Stress sometimes even makes them less efficient. In the SJ, it can also lead to falling apart in feelings of insecurity. Stress is a serious challenge to the SJ.

NT

The NT puts stressful issues aside if they are already absorbed with a task or project. Stress is like emotion to them: an unwelcome visitor and a nuisance.

NF

It’s complicated with the NF. The NFJs react with concern when stressed. They will plan to overcome it by adjusting the possibilities of the future and the deadlines for tasks to which they have already committed. The NFPs avoid stress (like the SP does) or it will do its damage to a life that is focused on the meaning and significance of every present moment.

Overall, stress in the NF can awaken dormant energies, produce a plan and a calm response to having things planned, cause havoc and more stress, or simply be avoided.

In our next article, we’ll address “Questions to Ask that Will Lead to Helpful Tools”. Until then…

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Tools for Managing the Emotions of Stress appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Who Is In Charge — Reason or Emotion?

Ray W. Lincoln — Sat, 02 Aug 2025 19:34:37 +0000

Determining whether to give first place to reason or emotions is tricky at times. Emotions can be right because first impressions, which are their forte, are often right. Reason can be right, because it gives careful attention to the facts. However, the quickness of first impressions can miss some important details. And the detailed analysis of reason can miss the obvious overall pattern. If both methods of analysis can fail, which do I trust and in what circumstance (assuming different circumstances can make a difference)? Who should be in charge — reason or emotion?

A Guide to Choose Reason or Emotion to Be In Charge

Emotions In Charge When Speed and Safety Are Primary

Choose emotions when they are primarily needed for their speed and when erring on the side of safety is the best decision, such as in escaping from a tiger. Emotions are the powerhouse in our minds and, when escaping from a tiger, we need their energy and their quick powers of assessment.

Emotions In Charge When Motivation and Lift Are Needed

Whenever emotions are positive and helpful they should also lead: motivating us, inspiring us, building our passions, lifting us to new heights of pleasure and achievement. Positive emotions provide an instant lift and a much needed motivation that reason cannot supply.

Reason Must Take Charge When Emotions Hurt or Injure

When emotions need modification, reason should lead. Whenever emotions hurt or injure or damage us or others, they should be modified by a more logical and positive approach.

When should we issue a pink slip to our emotions? When we feel the damage of negative emotions. We should get rid of all negativity, whether emotional or rational.

This awareness of our emotions and, also of when they are helpful and when they are not, is essential to emotional intelligence.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Who Is In Charge — Reason or Emotion? appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

What Was the Trigger of the Cause of Your Emotion?

Ray W. Lincoln — Thu, 24 Jul 2025 18:17:39 +0000

Discovering the trigger of the cause of your emotion will help you save yourself from repeating the event. The trigger is not always the cause. Stress can be a trigger, as can tiredness or low self-esteem. Irritability from loss of inner energy, a deep seated sense of shame, guilt, even a mistake can be a trigger. These can cause anger, irritability, self damnation, denial, and a host of reactions. The trigger is what sets off the reaction, which becomes the direct cause of an emotion. Many triggers are the reason for repeated emotional events which, because they are repeated, contribute to unintelligent emotional habits.

Knowing the Trigger of the Cause Puts Us Ahead of the Game

Triggers are essential pieces of knowledge for an emotionally intelligent person. Knowledge of the triggers that affect us most puts us ahead of the game, helping us focus on dealing with conditions that are likely to cause us to loose control.

Name Your Common Triggers

Name your common triggers. Memorize the list. I’m not kidding! To be aware of the nature of the conditions or circumstances that trigger our negative emotions is the foundation of emotional intelligence. One of my triggers is being inwardly drained. And another is the anxiety of not knowing the future.

The next step is to manage the trigger.

For example: If stress is the trigger of a lot of our your emotional failures, follow these simple steps:

1. Identify what kind of stress places you in jeopardy and under what circumstances.
2. Ascertain how you can lessen the frequency, intensity, or damage of the stressful events. Go through the frequency, intensity, and damage aspects of the stress one-at-a-time and make your notes of how the stress can be alleviated or how you can become more happily related to it.
3. Take one improvement at a time and make that happen.
4. Proceed to another until you have done all you can to lessen the stress.

Identifying and Managing the Trigger of the Cause of Your Emotion = Higher EQ

Once you have done this you will automatically be more intelligent because you will have minimized the occasions for loss of control.

Avoid the Misapprehension That You are Super Human

Not paying attention to triggers makes little sense. Ignoring them with the reason that you should be able to handle any pressure and control your emotions under any circumstance suggests you think you are Superman or Superwoman. A glance in the mirror or a conversation with a friend should settle that misapprehension.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post What Was the Trigger of the Cause of Your Emotion? appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Identify Your Emotion and Analyze It

Ray W. Lincoln — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 19:09:16 +0000

As we continue learning about tools for handling our emotions, we move today from awareness to identification. What is the feeling/emotion? Please identify your emotion. Sometimes a detailed analysis is necessary to help you identify your emotion. And the only way to get control is to conduct a thorough analysis. Use this detailed analysis for when you need to diagnose your feelings and carefully examine their nature.

Identify Your Emotion

Our feelings are complex and are not easily defined. We can be fooled by their many faces and attempt to control the wrong feeling. For example, it does us little good to think we are angry when on careful analysis, we realize we are hurt, and the hurt is causing our anger. Hurt automatically induces anger. But we deal with hurt feelings differently than we deal with angry feelings. When the two are present, you should deal with hurt first and the anger will subside.

The same is true of anxiety and fear. Anxiety can lead to outright fear. But the emotion that we have to confront is the one that is the cause — the anxiety. Dig it up, roots and all. Remove its influence and the fear will then ease.

Once You Identify It, Analyze Your Emotion

These questions addresses the critical times when you will need to accurately diagnose your feelings. The instructions or tools to identify your emotions are for all temperaments. The NF, however, should pay particular attention because of their acute capacity to respond to stimulation.

Observe whether your feelings are positive or negative.

I call it the “mind’s weather forecast.” Is the forecast for sunny weather or a cold, wet, gray day. Deciding whether our thoughts are positive or negative is not difficult and will give a reliable indication of what to expect in the way of emotional responses.

Incidentally, if you want to be happy, always keep a positive frame of mind. Happiness and a negative outlook are incompatible.
If you feel fear and anxiety, anger or disappointment, or any emotion that dulls your happiness, loss of emotional control is near.

Are we distinguishing between our actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings? They are closely related.

The difference between actions and reactions tells us who or what instigated the emotional situation and what role our emotions are playing — offensive or defensive. We’d better know which side of the ball we are playing on if we want to win. Actions are offensive plays. Reactions are defensive plays. Simply ask yourself, “Are my emotions defensive or offensive?”
An offensive anger should be understood differently from a defensive anger. Defensive anger, on the whole, is more excusable. However, it develops into bitterness more quickly, creating a longer lasting emotional event.
The difference between thoughts and feelings is more complex.
Thoughts are analytical and come from reasoning. If our reasoning is the cause of our negative emotions, then analyze them. Discover the failure in their logic or the logic that will calm your emotions. The way to control these emotions is to reason correctly. Ask:
- Is reason driving my emotions? Or are emotions driving my reason?
- Am I stating the facts or interpreting the facts?
- Are there other alternatives that I am not considering?
Feelings are thoughts too. But they come from memories, established values and beliefs, and from emotional insights and impressions. Deal with emotional thoughts by calming the mind first. Then examine what your emotions are telling you. Do they come from…
- A false or true belief?
- An accusation that is founded or unfounded?
- A prejudgment or a bias? Correct them with the undistorted truth.
- Discover that truth by facing the hard facts and adjusting your feelings to confront the facts honestly.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Identify Your Emotion and Analyze It appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Tools for Diagnosing Our Emotions

Ray W. Lincoln — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 20:25:38 +0000

To find the right tool when diagnosing our emotions and the challenge they present, we need to ask the right questions. We cannot emphasize that principle enough. Asking the wrong questions will always get us the wrong answers. Questions about awareness, analysis, identification, cause, and trigger are diagnostic exercises that lead to knowing whether to welcome our emotions, mold them, or give them a pink slip.

Diagnostic Tools and the Temperaments

Each temperament typically goes about diagnosis in a different manner.

Using Keirsey’s nomenclature:

SPs typically approach diagnosis by tactically seeking the best and fastest answer to any existing problem.
The SJs move through diagnosis step by step in logistical fashion.
Typical of the NT is a detailed reductionist approach to diagnosis. Then they fashion a strategy that will theoretically solve the problem.
And finally, the NF diagnoses the problem diplomatically with antennas receptive to all feelings about themselves and others.

In the next few articles, we’ll examine questions that are our tools for diagnosing the emotions generated by all temperaments. Today, we’ll begin with awareness.

Am I Aware of my Emotions?

Awareness of the emotions that pass through our minds is not something we automatically possess on a consistent basis. However, to be aware of anything we must focus on it. And focusing on our emotions can be, at times, impossible not to do (for the NF, for instance). Furthermore, it is almost impossible to do when they appear as fleeting feelings without form or familiarity — vague impressions at best. How do we observe what is going in a mind that is constantly changing and reforming itself to accommodate the latest sensibilities?

Persistent focus (concentration) is the answer. In fact, awareness, focus, and concentration with persistence, works. Let’s practice the art of being aware, a form of self inspection. But how do we use awareness to diagnose our emotions?

Here’s How to Use the Tool of Awareness in Diagnosing Our Emotions

Observe What Is Going On Inside

Observe what is going on inside your psyche without self judgment or condemnation. Focus on your thoughts and feelings and know what is holding you ransom or stimulating your senses. Knuckle down to the task of knowing yourself.

Self Awareness Is Easier for the Fs

Self awareness is easier for those who are sensitive (all who have an F in their profile) and particularly those who are NFs. However, we must all develop our sensitivity. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of it. How can we master ourselves without knowing what we are doing, thinking, and feeling?

The Outside World Distracts Us

The outside world is all-consuming at times, and to be aware of what feelings are in us is to fight the pull of the external world. Our bodily senses can seem to be all that matters in the moment. The SP feels this way most of the time. It takes conscious effort to divert our attention from the “real” world to the “virtual” world inside our mind, especially for the SP.

Overcome Resistance to Introspection

We don’t like to introspect since what we can find is inconsistency, falseness, sham, and personal failure. The bad seems to always trump the good in gaining our attention. Imperfect beings, who struggle for perfection and who must be right and must control their environment, can’t stand the discovery of their own ineptitude and weakness. Any ugly fact that puts us down is hard to look at.

If your self-esteem is low, introspection can turn into self blame and condemnation easily. The presence of negative feelings creates low self-esteem, so these are the first feelings to be aware of and to change in order to find emotional intelligence. The super sensitive people (NFs and all strong Fs) will need to start here if they have created a damaging estimate of themselves.

Awareness Needs to Be a Constant State of Mind

Awareness should become a constant state of mind, reading our thoughts and feelings, consulting the barometer of mental surprises, being aware of the direction the winds of the soul are blowing.

Observation of our own feelings is a matter of an active inner sense. Emotions make themselves known mainly by creating a good feeling or a bad one, one that brings either waves of pleasure or disturbing currents. Only on further examination do they reveal their precise nature.

Developing Awareness

With this understanding of the need for an awareness of emotions we must ask…

How do we develop this awareness?

By simply looking inside and becoming more conscious of the happenings and movements of the mind. It’s like walking. We simply take steps. And the steps of self awareness are the conscious times we check in with our thoughts. It is no more difficult than asking the question, “What am I thinking and feeling?” (SPs and SJs may have to work at this since they can be easily captured by all things outside of themselves.)

Check in whenever you feel stressed, troubled, or anxious, and ask, “Are my thoughts and feelings positive or negative?”
Whenever we are stressed, troubled, sad, or when a feeling that disturbs us becomes apparent, resist the urge to do nothing and let the feeling grow. Arrest it with questions about its authenticity like a guard questions your legitimacy at a security gate.
Deliberately focus on your feelings and read them until it becomes an awareness that is natural to you.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Tools for Diagnosing Our Emotions appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Help for Creatively Managing Our Emotions

Ray W. Lincoln — Sat, 14 Jun 2025 19:47:58 +0000

In addition (to knowing our tools), we must learn how to use our tools for building intelligent emotions (emotional intelligence)? It would be laborious to show you all the ways you can use the tools that build emotional intelligence. For example, each person will meditate in different ways. Some meditate as they drive, some in a regular quiet time, some in bed before they rise, some with the use of an activity like yoga or running, and others as they read. Therefore, what you need are suggestions, principles, and your own creativity. Then anywhere, anytime you will be able to master your inner emotional world. We will begin by reviewing the tools we listed in our previous article. From there, we will proceed to those suggestions and principles that will aid our creativity in managing our emotions.

Ten Tools for Building Emotional Intelligence

The learning path: Knowledge, understanding, wisdom
The diagnostic path: The right questions
The attention path: Focus and its precursor, awareness
The motivation path: Desires and passions
The fundamental path: Beliefs and faith
The action path: Right physical actions, including right speech
The determination path: Mental force or willpower
The consistency path: Memory for repeated success
The path inside the virtual mind: Visualization, a form of vivid imagination
The actualizing path: Meditation

Outlining the Process for Managing Our Emotions

Build knowledge and understanding constantly. Aristotle famously said, “Know thyself.” Furthermore, the wise man of Jewish fame said, “As a man thinks, so is he.” This leads to wisdom.
Ask the right question to direct your thoughts to an understanding of the problem and find the solution.
Focus on a positive emotion or action. The positive one should be the opposite of the troublesome, negative one. Examples abound. For instance, the opposite of hate is love; the opposite of fear is trust. In the case of guilt, it is removed by either remedying the situation (if you are truly guilty, apologize; make restitution) or if in making a more honest assessment of your guilt you find you are having guilt feelings but are not truly guilty, replace the self condemnation with positive beliefs. Hurt is healed by love. For the person who hurt you, to give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive them in your heart is the start of love. Think of these opposite feelings and focus on them if you want to be truly healthy. Awareness of your mental activity is a prerequisite to focus.
Create a desire to change. Run the benefits through your mind of a positive, opposite emotion and what it can result in doing for you or others. Also, visualize how you will feel and how it will practically reward you. Following up! Dream of being the person you long to be.
Believe totally to achieve the greatest motivation. Faith is inner power.
If you haven’t already done so, change your actions and your speech to fall in line with the opposite emotion’s typical behavior.
Use plain, brute willpower, which is also called determination. Make a firm decision to succeed and then make it happen. Don’t hope it will happen; make it happen! Making it happen sometimes requires a plan, a step-by-step staircase to success. So, think it through and take action NOW.
Replay your successes (as small as they may be) as each step is achieved to create a memory track that will become your habitual way of controlling your inner emotions. As a result, the repeated replays will create a new landscape of mental intelligence in your mind.
Visualize (imagine), again and again, your goal and the steps to it. Visualization is not creating a dream but consistently rehearsing a dream in detail. For the NF, bring the positive possibilities vividly to life in your imagination and replay them often. In fact, possibilities light up the NF mind. The goal is to let the pleasure of them fuel your desires to create a confident self-esteem. Always fashion everything in your virtual world before you release your actions into the real world.
Meditate often in the manner that best relaxes your mind and your inner tensions. Meditation can also produce deeper understanding and initiate creativity.

Our Commitment to this Process Will Change Our Lives

It is worth our full commitment to develop these tools because they will change our lives. So put your heart, mind, soul, and strength into it, and value the time it takes.

How we develop toward the intelligence that best indicates our degree of success in life will depend on how successfully we live in the protective environment of our strengths (which we learned in the last chapter) and how we wield with skill the tools for diagnosing emotions (which we will discuss in the next article). Let’s commit to the process and succeed in managing our emotions.

One Last Comment

I will refer mainly to negative emotions when talking about tools because they are the ones that most frequently are involved with our emotionally unintelligent behavior.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Help for Creatively Managing Our Emotions appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

The High EQ of the NF

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 23 May 2025 22:36:30 +0000

Having examined the high EQ challenges of the SP, SJ, and NT, we now address the EQ challenges of the NF. If you are an NF, you know the challenges well. NFs have stronger emotional natures, so it goes without saying that they can experience some stronger challenges than the other temperaments. But let’s look at that positively because a high EQ in the NF is full of wonderful potential for extreme good.

The NF’s High EQ

Lives In and For the Future

If there is one temperament that keeps an eye wide open to the future possibilities, it is the NF. They walk ahead into the future with all six senses (the sixth being intuition) alive and on alert. What might be, should be, could be, or will be activates emotion in almost all scenarios.

Emotional intelligence needs this vigilant watchdog mindset to warn of possible dangers and to expect ahead of time the triggering of the NF’s powerful emotions. In fact, advance notice, often supplied by their intuition, is a key for them in preparing for emotional trauma.

Future possibilities either elate or traumatize the NFs, who always feed their positive emotions with an injection of hope. “Without hope,” one NF wrote, “the people perish,” and it is very true of all temperaments. Actually, emotional intelligence that comes from scanning the future aims at discovering and using hope to lift spirits and feed determination in order to weather any storm.

Nonuse: When focused on the past, NFs tend to find reasons for guilt and self disrespect. Consequently, all hope vanishes and depression enters. Additionally, they cannot focus too intently on the present because it does not hold meaning and significance. Meaning an requires a perspective the present cannot give. They find emotional control only in the hope and faith that the future presents and in the idealism that interprets their future for them. For the NF, a view of the future can spell emotional intelligence.

Overuse: Searching the future for hope can lead to an intense scrutiny of it that the unknown nature of the future can’t sustain without arousing negative emotions. Since all scrutiny of the future results in introspection for the NF, the introspection can initiate troublesome thoughts and feelings.

It is a complex problem to be strong on possibilities, hope, and faith while also strong on introspection with a tendency to think poorly of one’s self. Emotional intelligence often escapes the NF in this mix. Emotional intelligence says to the NF, “Keep all things positive.”

Misuse: Have you ever heard of the phrase “so heavenly minded they are of no earthly use”? This is unfair. But if the future is where they live in fantasy, they can find it hard to keep their feet on the ground — especially the NFs who have a “P” in their profile. The misuse of imagination and fantasy makes them into escapists. With this motivation the NF can quickly become unintelligent.

Passionate, Enthusiastic

This, too, is a double edged sword. First, the positive edge: passion and enthusiasm create positive emotions. Without these the NF feels dead. As a matter of fact, passion makes any emotion stronger. And the power of the NF’s passion is legendary. Passion can overpower negative emotions and keep them safely at bay. Skilled from the frequent use of enthusiasm and passion, the NF develops considerable emotional intelligence from this strength.

However, passion can be all-consuming. Accordingly, when it fades or is overcome by some negative idea, the vacuum it creates sucks all the hope and joy out of the spirit. The NF is left with what feels like inner death. When this happens, all emotional intelligence is lost.

Nonuse: The nonuse of passion effects the same results. For the NF, life is nothing without passion. In fact, all their emotions — even the negative ones (like having no emotion) — are fired to white heat in the NF’s furnace. A high EQ for the NF is (and I repeat) keeping all emotions positive. And no essential ones can be absent.

Overuse: The NF feels that it is not possible to overuse any positive emotion. However, overuse of negative ones often occurs.

Misuse: Being passionate for causes that damage others, even if the idea is needed, brings a loss of personal integrity to the NF and destroys the purity of their noble emotions. The passion of revenge certainly destroys their self-image once they hold themselves accountable for the wrongs. Purity of motive and purpose is emotional intelligence for the NF.

Sensitive

Sensitive sounds like the opposite of emotional intelligence, but only if we are thinking of the damaging, negative emotions that erupt in the NF. Positive emotions that are sensitive to other people’s needs are helpful and intelligent — indicative of a high EQ.

The NF is known for their sensitivity. It breeds giftedness when emotions feed imagination. As a result, the world beyond reason is penetrated and portrayed in art, word, or personal relationship. Emotionally intelligent sensitivity is the use of emotion to enrich lives, whether their own or others. Love, hope, faith, gentleness, goodness: all partner with self-control. And the NF’s highly tuned emotions make each more rewarding. We all want to be the recipients of sensitive, positive emotions.

Nonuse: When the NF loses sensitivity, they feel hard to themselves and others. Furthermore, they can develop anger toward life that dismisses all their assets. A non-sensitive NF is a failure to themselves and a discomfort to others.

Overuse: When too sensitive, they become a threat to themselves as well as others. “Too sensitive” is defined as emotionally reactive to situations that don’t warrant the heat. The NF will typically hate themselves for this and apologize profusely or sink into the mire of inner embarrassment that results in self abuse. They can whip themselves mercilessly and punish their self-esteem. Overuse of sensitivity is nearly always turned inward on themselves.

There is something dark about this introjection. Why they do this is a mystery to others but not to them. They “know” they are not worthy. It follows that the comforting words of others fall on unresponsive ears.

Misuse: Of course, the overuse is a misuse as well. The misuse is to blame themselves for being sensitive and for not redirecting the gift of sensitivity to better and more profitable use. Emotional intelligence sinks to its lowest in the temperament in which it also finds its highest expression.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post The High EQ of the NF appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

The High EQ of the Calm NT

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 16 May 2025 21:55:25 +0000

Two temperaments down and two to go. To continue, today, let’s look at the calm NT. I say “calm” because that is the NT’s prime emotion and their main emotion when they are performing in a high EQ state. Yes, calm is and emotion. And the NT personifies it so well that it makes some wonder whether they even have emotion. Oh, yes! They do! Accordingly, proper use of their dominant emotions is what helps them to achieve a high EQ — just like all the other temperaments. Again, we will look at three of the NT’s emotions and how they should and shouldn’t be used. High EQ is the goal!

Achieving the Calm NT’s High EQ

Time Is Relevant to the Task

When the NT disappears into their ingenious mode of creating something new, they also create a feeling of satisfaction that feeds their spirit. In fact, when deeply troubled, the NT can find a refuge in this strength.

So strong is their focus on creating something new that they feel only the pressure of their project, which they follow with complete abandon. Logic calls them and they feel all is right with themselves when they are immersed in its pursuit.

However, for the NT, emotions must be kept under lock and key. Focus, calmness, and rationality are their favored tools to achieve this goal, contributing to their “calm NT” persona.

Nonuse: An NT whose mind is not engrossed with some project is fair game for fears, doubts and skepticism aimed at destroying their own sense of worth. The NT’s mind is their favored retreat. Furthermore, when it is not used, they become easy targets for emotional meltdowns.

Overuse: Locked away in their mental hideouts, NTs can lose all earthly connections. They can neglect social life and dismiss the routines of life. Blinders restrict their vision, and seeing only what lies in the path of their project can cause a loss of emotional control — the loss of emotion itself. “No emotion” is not emotional intelligence. It is emotional immaturity. An NT, unlike the NF, lives with the danger of underdeveloped emotions and a life robbed of emotion’s rewards.

Misuse: Inconsideration for the lives and needs of others can result from a misuse of this strength. The NT neglects the little connections in life that result from manners and notes of gratitude in favor of what the NT sees as a “higher” goal. As a result, emotional wastelands claim an otherwise fertile mind.

Calm, Cool and Collected Produces a Calm NT

That image of outward calm, which is a hallmark of the NT, paves the way for emotional control. When our bodily expressions are under control, so are our emotions to some extent. On the other hand, when we seldom talk, we also escape a myriad of emotional traps. The NT uses slowness to speak as a tool for emotional control.

Cool helps, too. Emotion is heat. Therefore, a cool demeanor at least dampens the expression of undesired emotions. When not overused, this is a key to emotional mastery.

Nonuse: The NT must, for self-image needs, be calm, cool and collected. Conversely, when they are not, they begin to dislike themselves and feel that they are actually losing control of their lives or the environment in which they move. In their own way, NTs are control freaks. But they usually aim that control at self management rather than the management of others.

Overuse: When overused, this strength creates the world’s frozen people. Emotion is needed to keep us human. A distinguishing factor of humanity is the way we express our care for each other. Humanitarianism is dependent on empathy and love, which are full of emotional responses. Our emotional engine is not built to run efficiently in cold temperatures. However, as valuable as a cool appearance is for emotional control, we must not overdue it or we fail to function warmly as emotional creatures.

Misuse: Often, when the NT is in their weaknesses, they use the cool, calm NT spirit as a weapon to disturb or even control others. As a result, the strength is then a tool for damaging others. NTs must find the medium for the correct use of this strength in order for it to remain a pure attempt at controlling their own emotions rather than controlling or avenging others. Passive-aggressive behavior is all too easy for the NT.

Questioning, Skeptical

A number of the NT’s strengths can be beneficial in producing emotional control. Strategic thinking, independence, what makes sense — all are valuable tools. However, in choosing one of these remaining drives, I have settled arbitrarily on “questioning, skeptical.”

We face a much needed strength that, although it is prominent in the NT temperament, is present and helpful in all temperaments and makes emotional control possible. Remember, we said that emotions judge on first appearances and can be wrong. So, healthy questioning of our emotions helps greatly in reestablishing emotional control after our emotions have surged and before they settle into an established mood.

Questioning is a rational act. And skepticism is a rational attitude. When correctly used, they amount to an examination of the rational base of our emotional response. Do we have good reason for this emotion? Should we continue it? Would some other response be better? Emotional intelligence somehow always involves the rational mind.

Nonuse: So fundamental to their makeup is this questioning that when the NT fails to use this strength, they become someone else. Accepting at face value anything or any person seems wrong to them. Therefore, nonuse is rare in the NT.

Overuse: Overuse by the NT is common. Nothing is taken on trust. And (like the disciple, Thomas) evidence that is satisfactory to the NT is always needed. But faith and trust are the essence of relationships and the power behind much that life requires of us. As a result, overuse can lead to damaging relationships (or at least minimizing them). At the same time it can create a road block to progress in thinking and living. The emotional benefits of trust and acceptance are jettisoned.

Misuse: A skeptical attitude can lead to an intellectual pride — an emotion some NTs seem to release from their emotional prison with pride. Pride in one’s skepticism can quickly lead to pride in any pursuit, always breaking down and seldom lifting up. Doubt, instead of being a positive evaluator, becomes a negative tool for taring down anything they cannot believe in.

This emotional negativism is far from emotional intelligence. Even when skepticism is used as an intellectual necessity, the heat of renunciation of other people’s ideas creates a negative emotional climate in themselves and in others.

Next, we’ll move on to examine how to achieve the high EQ of our final temperament, the NF.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post The High EQ of the Calm NT appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

The SJ’s High EQ

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 09 May 2025 19:22:23 +0000

In our previous article, we observed that living in our strengths determines the nature of our emotions (positive if we live in our strengths, and negative if we don’t) and the power to control our emotions, which comes from positive strengths. We understand that all strengths are positive unless they are not used, overused, or misused. The strengths of each temperament thrive on positive thoughts, feelings, and actions. Therefore, all emotions are kept positive when we live in our strengths. And furthermore, living in our strengths helps us achieve a high EQ. We began an examination of how each temperament can achieve a high EQ via the strengths that are inherent in that temperament, beginning with the SP. Today we will focus on the SJ’s high EQ, in particular, and how they can achieve it. Again we will look at three of the SJ’s strengths.

Achieving the SJ’s High EQ

Strength: Lives Tied to the Past

The past is a treasure trove of truths to be learned and memories to be cherished. People have not changed much in recorded history. Admittedly their culture and technology have changed, but love, anger, fear, resentment, hope, and all the other emotive values remain the same. The past contains wisdom and emotional fuel that, when we use it intelligently, keeps us from emotional extremes.

Happy memories medicate our moments of sadness. Wisdom lies in the stories of human excellence. Stability in the storms of life relies on the encouragement of those who lived like solid rocks of enduring power. This central strength of the SJ temperament, when positively used, is full of examples of emotional intelligence where we find a source of the SJ’s high EQ.

Nonuse: Whenever an SJ fails to celebrate, remember, and encapsulate the lessons of the past, they fall apart in fear, worry, and anxiety. Negative emotions rage in the SJ whose mind is focused on their present concerns.

Overuse: We live in the present, however, not the past. When the SJ tries to stay in their past, they fossilize while change that is inevitable leaves them behind. They become anxious and focused on their troubles.

Misuse: Anxiety causes us to run from the concerns of the present, and the SJ has a tendency to flee to the past and hide in its comforting memories. Then they may try to insist that others hide with them. They misuse the past and try to halt the tide of progress.

Strength: Thoughtful and Prepared

Being prepared can equip us for many expected emotional traumas. We can pre-think what might happen and make as many preparations as we feel will keep us in control of ourselves and the situation. SJs are natural planners, and little in the regular course of life hits them by surprise.

Key to emotional control is preparing ourselves and thinking through the options we may face. This can even be enjoyable to the SJ. In fact, it will be a preferred path for all Js since they like to get a decision made and strive to know the future and rob it of its surprise attacks.

A practice of thoughtfulness helps us more quickly activate the rational mind whenever a negative emotion surges. It also builds into our responsive memories models for our future ability to control our emotions. We see the SJ’s high EQ when they are living in this strength. When using this strength properly, they can be unshakable in the face of trouble, exhibiting the SJ’s high EQ.

Nonuse: Obviously, when not thoughtful and prepared, the SJ can quickly spiral into worry and outright fear, resulting in lost control of their emotions. The once unshakable thinker and planner shatters into a thousand fragments and loses all their J backbone.

Overuse: Can thoughtfulness be overused? Yes, and it can delay seizing an opportunity while we are emotionally caught in executing our careful plans. Over-preparation stiffens life itself, and the harsh edges keep out joy and the pleasure of some spontaneity. Overuse can create its own negative emotions that take control of us.

Misuse: Preparing can be an act of procrastination, a mechanism born of the fear of facing an unwanted event. It is easy to rationalize and, therefore, hide our fears from others. Over preparation then demands we follow the prepared path, and the result can be a narrow-mindedness that cramps ours and others’ style. Emotional insight is lost and emotional control is hardened into rational escape measures.

Strength: Strong Need to Belong

We gain comfort and strength from others like us, and the simple presence of others can impart a measure of control on our emotions. The SJ seeks society especially for the strength it offers. People who are well-prepared and emotionally stable can shore up the faltering hopes of an emotionally wrought SJ.

Common emotional needs of likeminded people find firmly rationalized ways of responding to scenarios. Again, routine systems of response can steady the mind in the face of emotional heat. People need people, and none more so than the SJ who withers in the drying winds of fear and anxiety. Likeminded people support the SJ’s high EQ.

Nonuse: Not to find the support of other likeminded people leads to panic. Mental chaos is a condition that strikes fear into an SJ’s heart and dismisses reason and hope. Emotions then run rampant.

Overuse: Their favorite club can become a crutch, an escape from true control of their emotions. An addiction of any sort hides a need, and SJs need emotional strength born of their own self-willed mastery, not of the pseudo support of others.

Misuse: What does it look like to misuse this sense of belonging? It creates a person who is dependent on others when a degree of self reliance and inner strength is their greatest need. They must discern when to use this strength and know when it is hurting them.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post The SJ’s High EQ appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

How to Achieve a High EQ

Ray W. Lincoln — Mon, 05 May 2025 17:28:31 +0000

Living in our strengths determines the nature of our emotions (positive if we live in our strengths, and negative if we don’t) and the power to control our emotions, which comes from positive strengths. All strengths are positive unless they are not used, overused, or misused. The strengths of each temperament thrive on positive thoughts, feelings, and actions. Therefore, all emotions are kept positive when we live in our strengths. And furthermore, living in our strengths helps us achieve a high EQ.

In the next few articles, we will look at examples of three strengths from each temperament and the right and wrong use of those strengths. Avoiding the wrong uses and maximizing the right ones makes us more emotionally intelligent (e.g. produces a high EQ). We’ll begin with the SP.

Some Ways SPs Can Achieve a High EQ

Strength: Living in the present moment

Using the Strength Correctly: Focusing on the present keeps negative emotions from lingering and prevents our ruminating over the past or the potential troubles of the future. It keeps the spirit fresh and bright. As troubles and challenges arrive, negative thoughts are quickly replaced by others, and emotional control is won. This defocuses o the troubles of the past and helps the SP forget them. The worries of the future are forgotten in the thrill of the present, and the SP stays focused and happy with emotions temporarily under control.

Nonuse: Whenever SPs do not live in the present and squeeze the joy out of it, they loose their optimism and become depressed. Negative emotions develop, robbing them of control.

Overuse: The ever changing present can be a place to hide from the pains of life. When we constantly hide from pain in the excitement of the present, this strength creates a weakness that will surely catch up with us. Emotions are not controlled; they are just swept out of sight. This is also a misuse of the strength.

Misuse: Living in the present can be a means of escaping the guilt of behavior that should be faced and rectified. Whenever the SP lives in the present to escape the feelings of true guilt, they damage themselves further and the guilty feelings create a kind of residual pain with which we are all familiar. Another negative emotion is formed.

Strength: Brave, bold, daring

Using the Strength Correctly: Courage is a dominating feeling that has no room for counter feelings. If courage and fear try to live together in our minds, one has to dominate and drive out the other. Courage keeps us focused and keeps other emotions and thoughts subservient to its claim. Courage in the SP is emotional intelligence as long as it contains a dose of wisdom.

Nonuse: A nonuse of courage opens the door to fear. Fear is a feeling the SP hates. A loss of emotional control is inevitable and immediate when the SP experiences fear.

Overuse: We can be too brave and daring. To cultivate boldness that amounts to foolishness is not beyond this brave heart. Knowing where bravery ends and foolishness begins is being emotionally intelligent for the SP.

Misuse: An overuse of this strength is also a misuse. Being brave in a cause that disregards the rights of others is also a misuse and is emotionally damaging.

Strength: Spontaneous, impulsive

Using the Strength Correctly: Impulse can catch the thrill of the moment. It often finds an alternative to boredom that is emotionally rewarding. Many a sad moment has been averted by a spontaneous change for the better, and the SP knows this well. When rightly used, spontaneity can lead to emotional intelligence by making a better choice and instantly executing it.

Nonuse: For the SP temperament, failure to use this strength can rob them of joy, action, variety, and a sense of fulfillment. Life then becomes monotonous, and the darkness of depression awaits them.

Overuse: Too many changes in life can lead to instability and being accused of being an emotional butterfly. Even for the SP, instability is damaging. The SP who accepts every job offer to satisfy an impulsive urge for constant variety will rob themselves of a helpful purpose in life and a reliable reputation, while at the same time creating an emotional weakness.

Misuse: Bad choices knock at the door of opportunity where impulse can seize them for the excitement and the danger they offer. Values should educate our emotions or we will choose too quickly and breach our own sense of integrity. Lost integrity is damaging to healthy emotions.

Next, we will take a look at how the SJ can achieve a hight EQ.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post How to Achieve a High EQ appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Two Paths to Emotionally Intelligent Behavior

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 25 Apr 2025 20:20:04 +0000

Management of emotion is accomplished in different ways for different people. Each temperament becomes emotionally intelligent by different methods and applications. This should be obvious by now. However, there are for all of us two mental paths available to emotionally intelligent behavior.

Two Mental Paths to Emotionally Intelligent Behavior

‘Our Civilization is still in a middle stage — scarcely beast, in that it is no longer guided by instinct; scarcely human in that it is not yet wholly guided by reason.”

Theodore Dreiser, (Sister Carrie)

The above quotation introduces us to the first path for emotional intelligence and, also, to the fallacy that reason is all there is when humans are at their best.

Reason Is Path Number One

The mental model of how the brain develops and processes an incoming message (namely, the speed at which we react emotionally and then the final arrival of the message in the cortex where we understand it and think about it for the first time) outlines reason’s path to emotional intelligence.

Reason can, and often does, effectively choose the course of subsequent actions.
It is the path most written about and advocated.

The following points for the superiority of reason in managing emotions are often cited:

Reason calms our emotions.
Reason is cool; emotion is hot. Cool heads are better than hot heads.
Reason is slow, uncovering more relevant data.
Reason slows us down.
Reason, not emotion, can be trusted.
Taking time out to reason is like taking time out in sports to arrive at the best next move.
Reason is the more advanced function of the brain.
Great minds are great thinkers.

But is the case for reason’s superiority in controlling emotion all there is to say? No. Are these reasons true to the evidence? Not all of them. Another path exists.

Replacing One Emotion with Another Is Path Number Two

This second path to emotional control has been known for millenniums and advocated by various sages — especially by Jesus, who placed such a huge emphasis on love. To quote him: “Love your enemies, do good to those who despise (hate) you…”

At first glance, this may seem to have little to do with emotional intelligence. But consider these facts:

Our enemies inspire the emotions of hatred and dislike in us (the opposite of intelligence).
Those negative emotions can be potential dominators of all we do and think, thereby controlling us and damaging us in the process (the result of unintelligent behavior).
The instruction to love our enemies asks us to make a choice between hate and love and to replace hate with love.
Choosing an opposite emotion to lessen and diminish the first is the second path to intelligent behavior and a very effective one.

Replacement (exchanging one emotion for another — hate for love, for instance) is emotionally intelligent because both hate and love can’t exist happily together. One must oust the other from our minds.

Replacement Not Only Calms But Cleanses the Spirit

It is hard to control your emotions by reason alone and equally hard to replace one emotion with another. However, both are paths to successful self-management. But it is the experience of many that the change in emotions is not only effective in calming our hate or anger, but it most efficiently cleanses the mind of negative passions.

For the Fs, this is a welcome discovery. Since emotions must be consulted in any decision, redirecting the emotional forces from hate to love, or fear to trust, is more achievable and more refreshing.
A positive emotion, like love, leaves no residual feelings of guilt to deal with. It lifts the feelings of self-worth and brightens the future with fresh hope in any relationship.
It also makes sense to the emotions of the F to choose a cleansing and positive emotion like love, which can also open up new possibilities for the relationship, preserve it, and restore harmony.
There is logic in emotions — a logic that is, at times, more effective than the logic of reason.

For the Ts, they may well choose the power of reason to quell the surges of emotion since when they make decisions, they favor reason and seldom seriously consult their feelings. However, if the change from hate to love or fear to trust makes sense to them, they may well choose both pathways.

One or Both Choices Are Available to Achieve Emotionally Intelligent Behavior

Emotional intelligence is the choice of one or both pathways in the mind. Jesus resorted to both while championing replacement.

Comparison of the two paths — reason and replacement:

Both change the focus of the mind.
Both calm the mind.
Replacement changes the state of the limbic system and, therefore, has a direct effect.
Reason has an indirect effect on the limbic system.
Emotions carry within them their own reasons. Love and hate have their reasons. One drains the power from the other and changes the nature of the game.
Sometimes there is no clear reason to empower the mind. There is always an opposite powerful and motivating emotion.
Reason sees only half of the world’s realities, meaning it sees more dominantly what logic sees and not as strongly what love feels, for example.
Reason is slow; emotion is lightning fast.
Neither is to be always trusted.
The superior power of the positive makes both positive reasons and positive emotions able to effect a beneficial change.
We really do not know what is the most advanced function of the brain. It all depends on what factors we use to measure what we call “advanced.”
Great minds are great thinkers. But they are also great feelers. Imagination is enriched by emotion, not depleted by it.
Emotions have the greater power over us and, therefore, can effect the most challenging changes in mental set.

Emotions Are Changed Most Easily When We Change Our Actions

Acting according to our chosen emotion makes the emotion happen more efficiently. Our emotions are expressed by our actions.
The action can be a simple change in facial expression or an act of kindness.
Both have a direct effect on how we feel.
An emotion hasn’t lived until it is expressed. Therefore, we can change it at any point in its lifeline.

The relationship between emotions and actions is that of cause and effect.

Actions Strengthen Our Choice to Change Our Emotions

Whether we choose to quieten and control our emotions by reason or another opposing emotion (replacement), acting according to our choice is more than helpful.

Actions breed their own emotional responses.

If we act lovingly, we feel the refreshing power of love.
If we act hatefully, we feel the negative forces such actions produce.

The ethical writers of all the ages place great faith in simply calling people to change their actions. They seem to believe or take it as axiomatic that a rational being, endowed with free will, can make a change in their actions. Once the action is changed, a breakthrough in the calming of the emotions is believed to have begun.

Emotional Intelligence Can Be Effected by Changing Our Actions to Emotionally Intelligent Behavior

Replacing one emotion with another is best achieved by acting out another emotion.
Whenever we “do to others what [we] would have them do to [us],” we gain control over our emotions.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Two Paths to Emotionally Intelligent Behavior appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Are You Sensitive to Emotional Messages?

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 18 Apr 2025 19:30:00 +0000

If you have an “F” in your profile, then you may have a mind that is sensitive to emotional messages. The presence of an “F” is an indicator that emotions predominate in your decisions. Our society, which worships reason, may make you feel less than human. Don’t despair. Your emotional mind is a wealth of information and has its own logic. For the moment, simply note the connection of the “F” to feelings and read on. I will explain further why emotions should not to be given a bad rap.

If You Have an NF in Your Profile

With the “NF”, we enter an intense emotional realm where emotions can be so powerful that they affect the quality of life and mold a special type of personality. The “N” stands for intuition. Intuition is, in part, an insight into what we see, hear, feel, or think. We meet someone and say to ourselves, “I just can’t trust him,” or “Something is troubling that person.” The message from our intuition may be even more precise, such as “I am sensing that person has a troubled home and is in the grip of fear.” If this is ou are particularly sensitive to emotional messages.

NFs Have Heightened Empathy and Sensitivity

In the NF temperament empathy reaches the height of its powers, and sensitivity is, as a result, also heightened. The combination of emotion, intuition, empathy, and sensitivity produces an especially powerful emotional mind. Each strength stimulates and feeds the other, and they increase in power the more we focus on them or on the feeling they produce. It can amount to a mental cyclone and give birth to overpowering rumination, which can be either helpful or hurtful.

The NF is the temperament that produces great emotional insight. And with it comes either exceptional emotional intelligence or enslavement to emotion’s powers with little rational judgment entering the picture. Therefore, it is imperative that the NF learn emotional intelligence.

So, You Don’t have an F?

If you do not have an F in your temperament profile, you will find it hard to understand the reactions and feelings of the emotional mind. Your rational mind will no doubt predominate and may negatively mold your opinions of those who express, depend on, and are enriched by powerful emotions.

Do Emotional Messages Escape Your Notice?

The Ts, as these people are referred to, are all about logic and reason and, in the case of the NT, particularly so. Details and the careful pursuit of research engages them. The NT lives in the world of pragmatic theory. The intuition that they have is confined within the bounds of reason rather than emotion. And this is the way they like to think since these urges or strengths are dominant in their makeup.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Are You Sensitive to Emotional Messages? appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.

Balance Is Not Nature’s Way

Ray W. Lincoln — Fri, 11 Apr 2025 21:24:15 +0000

Some people think that the goal of emotional intelligence is balance. Keep everything in moderation, they say — your anger, fear, hope, and love (to name a few candidates for balance). But a cursory glance at the temperaments makes it clear that balance is not the goal. Balance is NOT nature’s way.

The Blueprint of Temperament

A true expression of how we are made is the goal of emotional intelligence. Some temperaments are more emotional than others. And temperaments express emotion differently.

If we are given emotions as a strength, we should use them and exercise them as a strength. A good look at the way the various temperaments see and use emotion will help us understand the value of emotion.

The “Hot” Emotions and Temperament

The following “hot” patterns of emotional behavior in each of the temperaments is based on what might happen if the person experiences anger (a common emotional experience).

SP: Heat and Action

Let’s suppose the SP loses their freedom and it encourages the heat of an angry response?

Their anger can be violent.
The eruption is followed by what they feel is an appropriate action. This can be anything and is tactically chosen.
Once the anger is over (which is usually not long), the air clears.
Thankfully, everything is back to normal in a hurry for the SP. And the relationship continues from their perspective, seemingly little less the worse for the encounter.
The self-image is little affected, as we might observe in a lion whose anger quickly abates when the incident is over. (Lion, incidentally, is a “name” (symbol) appropriately given to the SP).

There is a great deal of emotional intelligence in this typical SP reaction.

Emotional heat is not allowed to remain for long.
The ability to live in the present helps calm the anger.
Moving on takes the focus away from the emotional disturbance.

SJ: Heat and Determination

What happens to the SJ when the heat of their emotions are frustrated because they cannot control their environment?

Their urge to control is panicked by loss of control.
The urge to control is also weakened.
Insecurity creates a low sense of stability and self-worth.
Their inner drives lose their sense of direction.
They often try to control harder.
Anger or depression sets in like inclement weather.
They can become more determined to win.

Emotional intelligence for the SJ is seen in their determination to do right and to succeed. The right determination often refocuses the emotions from negative to positive.

A return to their strengths of wanting to be responsible and helpful will also activate emotional control.

NT: Souls of Ice

What is the typical reaction of the NT when the heat of anger rises and they cannot keep their emotions under lock and key?

Shame.
Discomfit.
Low self-image. (They pride themselves on coolness.)
Loss of ingenuity.
They discover emotion’s power and they can become more reactive or more withdrawn.
When it is over, a return to coolness and calm is expected.

The cool calm exterior of the NT is an advantage for emotional control. Calm is an antidote to the heat of emotion. Their attempt to keep emotions at a low ebb at all times also helps control the occurrence or an outbreak.

The emphasis on being logical and reasonable increases their ability to take advantage of reason’s powers to quieten unwanted emotions.

NF: Heat and Hurt

What happens when the heat of anger proves too powerful to control and the NF explodes or withdraws?

An NF is defeated more easily because of the intensity of their emotional makeup. If they don’t take the window of opportunity to calm their minds, emotional intensity escalates.
The hurt from the original cause, plus the hurt of disharmony, multiplies the effect.
Fear that it will never be resolved and that the hurt won’t go away exacerbates the emotional tensions.
Self-image suffers.
Rumination on the hurt continually reopens the wound and prolongs the healing.
Negative coping actions are learned — such as silence, withdrawal, self-pity, and self-denunciation.
When it is over, the NF usually apologizes and a return to loving actions restores the emotional calm.

Emotional intelligence seems lost in this model, but look again. Their anger is the result of hurt. Anger is automatic. Hurt and emotional tensions rise together.

Their low tolerance for disharmony actually works as a force to bring resolution. The return to their love for others is replacing one emotion with another — a successful way to be emotionally intelligent.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

The post Balance Is Not Nature’s Way appeared first on RayWLincoln.com.