In our previous article, we observed that living in our strengths determines the nature of our emotions (positive if we live in our strengths, and negative if we don’t) and the power to control our emotions, which comes from positive strengths. We understand that all strengths are positive unless they are not used, overused, or misused. The strengths of each temperament thrive on positive thoughts, feelings, and actions. Therefore, all emotions are kept positive when we live in our strengths. And furthermore, living in our strengths helps us achieve a high EQ. We began an examination of how each temperament can achieve a high EQ via the strengths that are inherent in that temperament, beginning with the SP. Today we will focus on the SJ’s high EQ, in particular, and how they can achieve it. Again we will look at three of the SJ’s strengths.
Achieving the SJ’s High EQ
Strength: Lives Tied to the Past
The past is a treasure trove of truths to be learned and memories to be cherished. People have not changed much in recorded history. Admittedly their culture and technology have changed, but love, anger, fear, resentment, hope, and all the other emotive values remain the same. The past contains wisdom and emotional fuel that, when we use it intelligently, keeps us from emotional extremes.
Happy memories medicate our moments of sadness. Wisdom lies in the stories of human excellence. Stability in the storms of life relies on the encouragement of those who lived like solid rocks of enduring power. This central strength of the SJ temperament, when positively used, is full of examples of emotional intelligence where we find a source of the SJ’s high EQ.
Nonuse: Whenever an SJ fails to celebrate, remember, and encapsulate the lessons of the past, they fall apart in fear, worry, and anxiety. Negative emotions rage in the SJ whose mind is focused on their present concerns.
Overuse: We live in the present, however, not the past. When the SJ tries to stay in their past, they fossilize while change that is inevitable leaves them behind. They become anxious and focused on their troubles.
Misuse: Anxiety causes us to run from the concerns of the present, and the SJ has a tendency to flee to the past and hide in its comforting memories. Then they may try to insist that others hide with them. They misuse the past and try to halt the tide of progress.
Strength: Thoughtful and Prepared
Being prepared can equip us for many expected emotional traumas. We can pre-think what might happen and make as many preparations as we feel will keep us in control of ourselves and the situation. SJs are natural planners, and little in the regular course of life hits them by surprise.
Key to emotional control is preparing ourselves and thinking through the options we may face. This can even be enjoyable to the SJ. In fact, it will be a preferred path for all Js since they like to get a decision made and strive to know the future and rob it of its surprise attacks.
A practice of thoughtfulness helps us more quickly activate the rational mind whenever a negative emotion surges. It also builds into our responsive memories models for our future ability to control our emotions. We see the SJ’s high EQ when they are living in this strength. When using this strength properly, they can be unshakable in the face of trouble, exhibiting the SJ’s high EQ.
Nonuse: Obviously, when not thoughtful and prepared, the SJ can quickly spiral into worry and outright fear, resulting in lost control of their emotions. The once unshakable thinker and planner shatters into a thousand fragments and loses all their J backbone.
Overuse: Can thoughtfulness be overused? Yes, and it can delay seizing an opportunity while we are emotionally caught in executing our careful plans. Over-preparation stiffens life itself, and the harsh edges keep out joy and the pleasure of some spontaneity. Overuse can create its own negative emotions that take control of us.
Misuse: Preparing can be an act of procrastination, a mechanism born of the fear of facing an unwanted event. It is easy to rationalize and, therefore, hide our fears from others. Over preparation then demands we follow the prepared path, and the result can be a narrow-mindedness that cramps ours and others’ style. Emotional insight is lost and emotional control is hardened into rational escape measures.
Strength: Strong Need to Belong
We gain comfort and strength from others like us, and the simple presence of others can impart a measure of control on our emotions. The SJ seeks society especially for the strength it offers. People who are well-prepared and emotionally stable can shore up the faltering hopes of an emotionally wrought SJ.
Common emotional needs of likeminded people find firmly rationalized ways of responding to scenarios. Again, routine systems of response can steady the mind in the face of emotional heat. People need people, and none more so than the SJ who withers in the drying winds of fear and anxiety. Likeminded people support the SJ’s high EQ.
Nonuse: Not to find the support of other likeminded people leads to panic. Mental chaos is a condition that strikes fear into an SJ’s heart and dismisses reason and hope. Emotions then run rampant.
Overuse: Their favorite club can become a crutch, an escape from true control of their emotions. An addiction of any sort hides a need, and SJs need emotional strength born of their own self-willed mastery, not of the pseudo support of others.
Misuse: What does it look like to misuse this sense of belonging? It creates a person who is dependent on others when a degree of self reliance and inner strength is their greatest need. They must discern when to use this strength and know when it is hurting them.
Resources to Help You:
THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION
Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.
Ray W. Lincoln will show us how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament will enable us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional will show you the way. The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.
DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!
Lean into the whole truth. Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are. Discover how to best engage your children in finding the whole truth. INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence will guide you in that
Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.
Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgence of crooked thinking in our culture and in our world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world. We do this by recognizing from where we derive our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln