Some people think that the goal of emotional intelligence is balance.  Keep everything in moderation, they say — your anger, fear, hope, and love (to name a few candidates for balance).  But a cursory glance at the temperaments makes it clear that balance is not the goal.  Balance is NOT nature’s way.

The Blueprint of Temperament

A true expression of how we are made is the goal of emotional intelligence.  Some temperaments are more emotional than others. And temperaments express emotion differently. 

If we are given emotions as a strength, we should use them and exercise them as a strength.  A good look at the way the various temperaments see and use emotion will help us understand the value of emotion.  

The “Hot” Emotions and Temperament

The following “hot” patterns of emotional behavior in each of the temperaments is based on what might happen if the person experiences anger (a common emotional experience).  

SP: Heat and Action

Let’s suppose the SP loses their freedom and it encourages the heat of an angry response?  

• Their anger can be violent.
• The eruption is followed by what they feel is an appropriate action.  This can be anything and is tactically chosen.
• Once the anger is over (which is usually not long), the air clears.
• Thankfully, everything is back to normal in a hurry for the SP. And the relationship continues from their perspective, seemingly little less the worse for the encounter.  
• The self-image is little affected, as we might observe in a lion whose anger quickly abates when the incident is over.  (Lion, incidentally, is a “name” (symbol) appropriately given to the SP).  

There is a great deal of emotional intelligence in this typical SP reaction.  

• Emotional heat is not allowed to remain for long.  
• The ability to live in the present helps calm the anger.  
• Moving on takes the focus away from the emotional disturbance.  

SJ: Heat and Determination

What happens to the SJ when the heat of their emotions are frustrated because they cannot control their environment?

• Their urge to control is panicked by loss of control.
• The urge to control is also weakened.
• Insecurity creates a low sense of stability and self-worth.
• Their inner drives lose their sense of direction.
• They often try to control harder.
• Anger or depression sets in like inclement weather.
• They can become more determined to win.

Emotional intelligence for the SJ is seen in their determination to do right and to succeed.  The right determination often refocuses the emotions from negative to positive. 

A return to their strengths of wanting to be responsible and helpful will also activate emotional control.  

NT: Souls of Ice

What is the typical reaction of the NT when the heat of anger rises and they cannot keep their emotions under lock and key?

• Shame.
• Discomfit.
• Low self-image.  (They pride themselves on coolness.)
• Loss of ingenuity.
• They discover emotion’s power and they can become more reactive or more withdrawn.  
• When it is over, a return to coolness and calm is expected.  

The cool calm exterior of the NT is an advantage for emotional control.  Calm is an antidote to the heat of emotion.  Their attempt to keep emotions at a low ebb at all times also helps control the occurrence or an outbreak.  

The emphasis on being logical and reasonable increases their ability to take advantage of reason’s powers to quieten unwanted emotions.  

NF: Heat and Hurt

What happens when the heat of anger proves too powerful to control and the NF explodes or withdraws?

• An NF is defeated more easily because of the intensity of their emotional makeup.   If they don’t take the window of opportunity to calm their minds, emotional intensity escalates.
• The hurt from the original cause, plus the hurt of disharmony, multiplies the effect.
• Fear that it will never be resolved and that the hurt won’t go away exacerbates the emotional tensions.
• Self-image suffers.
• Rumination on the hurt continually reopens the wound and prolongs the healing.
• Negative coping actions are learned — such as silence, withdrawal, self-pity, and self-denunciation.  
• When it is over, the NF usually apologizes and a return to loving actions restores the emotional calm.

Emotional intelligence seems lost in this model, but look again.  Their anger is the result of hurt.  Anger is automatic.  Hurt and emotional tensions rise together.  

Their low tolerance for disharmony actually works as a force to bring resolution.  The return to their love for others is replacing one emotion with another — a successful way to be emotionally intelligent. 

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

Ray W. Lincoln will show us how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament will enable us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional  will show you the way.  The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Lean into the whole truth.  Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are.  Discover how to best engage your children in finding the whole truth.  INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence will guide you in that

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too.  If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation.  An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgence of crooked thinking in our culture and in our world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world.  We do this by recognizing from where we derive our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln