In our quest to find helpful tools to manage emotions of stress, our first step is to ask questions of ourselves about our relationship to stress itself.  We’ll address some of those questions in this article and continue in the next.  We’ll get the answers to all those questions so that we can move on to grab the tools that will help us manage stress.

#1 Have I Identified the Stresses that Stress Me?

When we don’t know what stressor is stressing us, the tension is more difficult to handle and, perhaps, more intense. The unknown is always unnerving. Identifying the source of stress is, therefore, paramount to successful management.

Living in the strengths of our temperament provides the best insurance against reacting negatively to stress.  And keeps us focused and positively energized. It is always the first and best prevention method to keep stress manageable.

#2 Is the Stress Internal or External?

Stressors fall into two categories: internal and external.

• All fear, worry, anxieties, and anger (in all its forms) are internal stress factors.
• Internal stress is also created when we react negatively to an external stress or just the thought of a stressful situation.
• External stress factors can also become an internal stress factor if they are not handled positively.

External stress comes from circumstances, environmental conditions, and interactions with people. There is little, at times, we can change about our external stressors.  Therefore, we need to select (from the 10 tools) the tools that are best suited to us and our temperament.

Example: If we are exposed to cruel weather and we have no immediate relief, we will have to respond to the stress of the elements as creatively, positively, and consistently as we can to find the best relief possible. The focus is on removing the stress or minimizing it.

Our Temperament Strengths Are the Keys to Manage Stress

If we have become adept at living in the strengths of our temperament and using appropriate self management tools, we will also lessen the damage done to our emotional system.

Once we fall under the spell of persistent discomfort, pain or self pity, our mental fortitude vanishes and we succumb to the negative results of the stress.

Since we are concerned with emotional intelligence, we are not as focused on external stressors that are handled positively.

When we have negatively responded to a stress, we are living in our self-made weaknesses. Again, refocusing on our strengths and the enjoyable use of them is the fastest and surest way to successfully manage the stress, whatever it may be. The management of internal stress can also be aided by the right questions and by using stress management tools. Keep reading to discover the important questions to ask and how to select tools that match our inner drives and urges.

Identify Your Target

Accurately identifying the stress makes it possible to aim at the target instead of at a general feeling, the real nature of which may elude us. Most unsuccessful attempts to eliminate the negative affect of our stress is due to aiming at the wrong target or scatter-gunning in the hope of success.

#3 Do I See the Stress as Positive or Negative?

The answer to this question is especially needed for the SJ and the NF.  But on occasion it is needed by all temperaments. Speed in answering this question helps greatly. The longer we live with a negative response to stress, the more stubborn the negative emotion becomes. Recognizing quickly whether our response is negative or positive produces the initial energy to fight an unwanted emotion. That simple assessment of whether we are responding to a stress positively or negatively will determine how intelligent we are going to be in handling the stress.

Look for the Silver Lining

If we see the stress as positive, we should have no problem in keeping the harmful effects of stress out of our lives. Stress can negatively impact us only if we see it as negative.

If we see the stress as a downer (a serious negative), it is time to stop and search for the positive opportunity hidden somewhere in the stress itself. That silver lining in the cloud must get our attention to prevent our focus on the dark side from soon defining us and overtaking us. Looking at the dark side of life’s circumstances shapes our character, our hopes, and our future. The road is downhill from the dark side. Looking at the light side also molds our character, hopes, and our future. The road is up from there.

Building an optimistic spirit is a great defense tool against the negative effects of stress.  Optimism is a mental attitude or state. We build it by refashioning our minds.

The SP comes by optimism more naturally, whereas the SJ tends to respond by preparing for the worst (as does the NF if their future is clouded with dark options). The NT, lost in their projects, can be subject to pessimism if their project fails.

Here are some steps we can take to create an optimistic mind:

• Rethink our negative emotional experiences to find the positive path we could have taken. Be a “Monday morning quarterback.” Analyze the emotional responses of the day. Hindsight is meant to be educational.
• Work at taking an optimistic approach to small matters. When you do, it will become easier to think positive when the bigger problems strike. The ancient sage’s advice of “here a little, there a little” successfully eats away at a persistent, pessimistic attitude.
• Develop a belief that optimism is a good choice as opposed to feeling that we are not showing enough concern if we do not worry.
• Develop a belief that all will turn out good in the long run, provided our perseverance is involved together with our active prayers and hopes. The thought that bad may win in the long run demotivates faith.
• Believe in yourself and your potential. You are wonderfully made.
• Whenever you feel down, ask yourself for one good reason why a depressed spirit is beneficial.
• Think of five good reasons why optimism is better than beginning a slide into pessimism.
• Ask yourself how successful Murphy (of “Murphy’s Law” fame) must have been and where a philosophy such as his can ultimately lead us.
• If you can’t find sufficient logic to prove that a negative mind is more beneficial than a positive mind, fire the negative one.

Consider in which state of mind your health really lies.

Additional guidance questions to follow in the next article.

Resources to Help You:

THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION

Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.

Ray W. Lincoln will show us how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament will enable us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional  will show you the way.  The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.

DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!

Lean into the whole truth.  Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are.  Discover how to best engage your children in finding the whole truth.  INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence will guide you in that

Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too.  If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation.  An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.

Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgence of crooked thinking in our culture and in our world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world.  We do this by recognizing from where we derive our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln