When a vehicle is moving at a speed or in a direction that we do not want, we can stop it by applying the brakes. The runaway train of emotions can be stopped by applying the brakes at any of three stations: feelings and thoughts, decisions, and actions. Let’s carefully consider how this is possible as it applies to each of the temperaments.
First Stopping Place to Apply the Brakes: Thoughts and Feelings
The way we are made provides us with three points of intervention, all of which can be successful. All alerts produce an emotional reaction and are first perceived as thoughts or feelings. At this point, the surge is hard to stop unless we can arrest it and, by forcibly taking the window of opportunity, calm the emotion with reason.
Why is it so hard for the SP, SJ, and NF to do this? (The NT is practiced at this intervention, and does it almost automatically most of the time.)
SP
The SP is driven to make the surge of emotion succeed so as not to lose the moment and what it offers. Therefore, it is difficult to arrest their urge for success with the instruction to stop and think. It is a learned skill that they must practice, starting with small challenges and gradually becoming more adept.
SJ
The SJ, when disturbed by a loss of control, is equally driven to succeed. However, the urgency to succeed in the present moment is replaced by a determination to regain control whenever they can. They must be right and must not open the window to apprehensiveness. Therefore, they are willing to be patient in their determination to achieve what their emotions desire. Control cannot always be regained in a fleeting moment.
While the determination lasts, the disturbance continues as a fit of rage or a mood following a display of temper. Their thoughts are consumed by regaining the control or security they lost, and therefore, they are not focused on what is the most intelligent path to take. The best path can be found only when they let go of their anxiety and focus on a positive solution. The window of opportunity is the challenge to let go of their emotion’s goals.
NF
The NF’s surge is felt more intensely due to their sensitivity. All Fs, as I have mentioned, are plagued to some extent with sensitivity, but the NF supremely so. Having a complex emotional reaction means using reason to sort out the main culprit is a more challenging task. The NF often misses the window of opportunity while still sorting out the real emotion that is the culprit. The surge then intensifies, and only then is the dominant emotion identified, and they must now attempt to stop the runaway rage at the next station.
Second Place to Apply the Brakes: Decision
At this station, it is essential to remember that a non-decision is still a decision. Failing to decide to calm our emotions and think is a decision to continue the upset. Because hurt and unfairness are often the prime actors for the NF, they get stuck in regurgitating their hurt. It may seem easy for another temperament (especially the Ts) to criticize them for this inability because the T personality has exited at the first station. For the Ts, this second station is often passed without thought.
The Third Stopping Place: Action
Before the cycle repeats itself and strengthens, the emotionally intelligent person must disembark at this station. It is the easiest for the NF to take. But for the SJ, who is locked in determination, it is perhaps the most difficult. All temperaments who have not completed the previous two stations must take this one or risk losing control. As we have already pointed out, the sages and wise people of all ages have recognized this station as the real opportunity to disembark.
To get off the train at this station, we must choose an action that will encourage a positive emotion — the opposite of the negative one that is controlling us, as we have pointed out: an action of love to calm the hate, etc. This truly puts the brakes on. Teach and train yourself or your child not to miss this station. And whenever they are angry and distressed, they should think of an action that will be loving, kind, respectful, or compassionate.
Resources to Help You:
THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION
Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.
Ray W. Lincoln will demonstrate how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament enables us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional will show you the way. The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.
DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!
Lean into the whole truth. Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are. Learn how to effectively engage your children in discovering the whole truth. INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence, will guide you in that
Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. Alternatively, if you prefer to be more independent and want to cut to the chase, you don’t need to wait for a callback. You can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.
Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgency of crooked thinking in our culture and in the world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world. We achieve this by recognizing the source of our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln