Now that we’ve completed the essential preparatory steps, it’s time to name and discuss the essential tools we need to control runaway emotions. We’ve prepared by gaining knowledge of our temperament and examining what some of the other temperaments look like, as well as how they struggle with runaway emotions. Now, let’s pick up the tools we need and learn how to use them to our greatest advantage. Our goal is intelligent emotions (a high EQ) that will serve us well throughout our lives. Let’s begin with Essential Tool #1: Breathing.
Breathing to Calm the Emotions
Sighs are therapeutic. And nothing gives such immediate relief that we can feel like the inbuilt, relaxing, calming effect of a breathing exercise. Here (in a modified form) is an exercise that Herbert Benson, M.D. suggests in his book The Relaxation Response. Although he is offering a method to relax, it also calms the emotions as the parasympathetic nervous system is activated.
- Breathe in calmly and deeply using the diaphragm. Do not gulp in a lot of air, as an excess of oxygen can stimulate the body into action. Just remember, slow and quiet.
- Expel that breath, making it feel like a relaxing sigh. As you exhale, sense the calming effect of activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
- Continue breathing in this way and focus on feeling the effect of this breathing process on your body. Your focus on the physical feelings it produces helps distract from the emotion.
- For maximum effect, exhale for a slightly longer time than you inhale.
When teaching this to a child, persist with kind insistence until they breathe with you. When they learn the technique, they will use it to calm themselves, and you will know you have taught them a valuable lesson.
Next tool (in the next article): Putting on the Brakes
Resources to Help You:
THE WONDERFUL TRUTH ABOUT EMOTION
Are there such things as intelligent emotions? Intelligently Emotional will argue that there are. And they are the ones we must focus on if we want to know success.
Ray W. Lincoln will demonstrate how understanding the patterns of emotion in our temperament enables us to manage our emotions effectively. If you long to know how to understand your emotions and the immense power of your feelings, Intelligently Emotional will show you the way. The path to real emotional intelligence requires learning to partner with intelligent emotions.
DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE!
Lean into the whole truth. Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are. Learn how to effectively engage your children in discovering the whole truth. INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence, will guide you in that
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Our first and most important task in a world-changing mission is to learn how to think straight (and teach straight thinking) and combat the insurgency of crooked thinking in our culture and in the world today. If we become passive victims of this crooked way of thinking, we promote it. Furthermore, if we remain silent, we also give it credence. In Who Am I?, the reader progresses from how we have become “crooked thinkers” to how to break out of this prison of the mind to become instruments of change for a better world. We achieve this by recognizing the source of our value as humans. “Build a straight and powerful mind.” ~ Ray W. Lincoln