How to Choose a Mate: Get a Look at Both Feet!

Choose a mate

How many recommendations have you had on how to choose a mate? Did they include using Match, E-Harmony, or some other online dating service?  Blind dates used to be a method and could often turn out to be disastrous.  Recommendations from friends, family — or heaven forbid, your boss — can get things started.  Whatever method you use to “do your shopping,” it will be wise to have some sort of plan or guide for what you are looking for when you choose a mate.

Is “Someone Like Me” the Goal in How to Choose a Mate?

Let’s talk a little more about this one.  Should we choose a partner who is like us?  The answer, surprisingly, is “no!”  Two lives with the same preferences and the same urges might seem to be heaven on earth, but hell comes nearer as a description of the reality that two people who have all the same preferences will experience.  Why? 

When both partners have the same drives, they can enter into competition with each other.  They compete for those feelings of self-worth that come from being superior or from winning, and the friction or competition can become unbearable.  When the two are in competition, then someone must win.  Relationships do not go smoothly under the stress of competition. Nor do they blend well.

“Choose Your Opposite” Can Also Be Bad Advice on How to Choose a Mate 

If the partners are opposites, appreciation for the differences is essential for a happy relationship.  Whenever two do not appreciate each other’s differences, fights, accusations, and hurt abound.  However, understanding someone and appreciating their type is not an impossible task unless we are over-inflated with our own importance — in which case, why do we need a relationship.  

Have You Looked at Both Feet?

Before we choose a mate, understanding them and ourselves and the possible interactions between us is only wise.  We should and can know where we will blend harmoniously, where we will clash, and what we can do about those issues to encourage a blending.  Furthermore, we can have a glimpse of our future — all of which is provided with a study of each person’s type.  This is a huge benefit to any relationship, don’t you think?

Are you in the process of choosing a mate?  Do you understand yourself yet?  How well do you understand your mate? 

I often tell my audiences: Before you marry you always put “your best foot forward.”  After you marry, your mate discovers you have another foot.  Have you seen both of each other’s feet?  Are there frictions already that you need to resolve?  Wouldn’t it be a good idea to enter your committed relationship with some idea of what to expect and how to solve the difficulties that you may encounter based on that “other foot?”  An understanding of your temperaments and types is basic to success in your relationship and can prove to be the most valuable preparation you can make for that day you formally commit to “until death do we part.”  

Here’s How to Choose Your Mate

  1. Begin by discovering how each of you is made on the inside.  Complete the InnerKinetics Adult Temperament Key to obtain your two-letter temperament code and your four-letter type code.
  2. Read about each of your temperaments in INNERKINETICS (or for Kindle: The Real You – SPThe Real You – SJThe Real You – NT, or The Real You – NF) to learn how you differ and how you might also be alike.  This will reveal some areas where you might clash in your relationship and areas where you will blend well.  It will give you some topics for discussion and for planning how you might handle those times of clashing before they occur.
  3. Seek the advice of a trained and licensed InnerKinetics® consultant to guide you through the process.  This is even more important than consulting with your investment manager.  You are making an investment in your entire life when you choose a mate:  finances, loyalty, posterity, and more.  It’s worth the time and relatively small financial investment.  Don’t you think so?  (Call our office at 720-271-1221 or consult our website HERE to schedule your appointment with a licensed InnerKinetics consultant).

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