Is this so different and difficult?  We can’t live life without making decisions. Even a refusal or neglect to make a decision is a decision.  A study of how we make decisions unearths another basic difference in our human makeup. It happens to be the cause of most fights and disagreements between people. People lean to making their decisions either based on the facts or on the feelings involved. Why do we do that? Because we have two major decision making functions in our minds and brains which we can clearly detect in the operation of our brains. Both are legitimate ways of making decisions. But one will often deny the other the right of legitimacy. Hence, once again the need for a real understanding of each other.

We Have Two Major Decision Making Functions

What are these two functions? As far back as the ancient Greek philosophers, Plato and Aristotle, people talked about our rational mental functions and our emotions. Those who base their decisions mainly on the seemingly solid facts (the rational approach) are represented in the InnerKinetics® Temperament Key’s letters by a T. Its opposite pole, the F, represents our emotions.

Take this example…

Parent 1 suggests a family outing  to the Zoo because the weather is good and all of the family loves animals or are at least curious about them.  So the decision is clear. The facts for the outing on this day are perfect, so why not go?

Parent 2 is driven more by feelings as to whether to go or not, and hasn’t settled their feelings yet so they hesitatingly respond with….
“Well, I don’t know!”

This infuriates the first parent who has heard this answer one too many times. The discussion continues.
Parent 1: “Why don’t you know?  It’s a perfect day. What’s wrong with you?”
Parent 2: “I just don’t know whether it is going to be beneficial for all of us!”
Parent 1: “You just don’t make any sense!”

It’s the final jab, and the debate goes into stage 2.

Irritation soon leads to anger and this small matter looks like it will end up with a horrible fight.

You see, emotions take a while to settle and declare their decision.  Facts are more easily reasoned. Both feel their position is right but for very different rational or emotional reasons. The emotional decider may even agree with the facts that have been presented. But while the argument to agree with the facts continues, this parent to whom emotions are dominant simply does not feel it is right or, at least, something preferred to do.

Emotions are still up in the air.  And while they are attempting to settle the argument, the emotional decider is feeling attacked, seen as inferior, foolish. Of course, by now the emotions that have to be settled have become more complicated and are beginning to morph into feelings of hurt as the facts are insisted upon all the more.

How to Make a Decision and Maintain a Good Relationship

Who is right and which parent should try to enforce their will? I’m sure you know how this can ruin a relationship’s harmony, to say the least.  In fact, it can also ruin the whole day.

Two ways to decide the critical element in so many decisions

You see, our minds offer us two ways to make a decision about almost everything.  And we tend not to see the other person’s perspective (choice) as considerate or respectful. Again, those two ways are reason and emotions. Which is right? The T will argue until blue in the face that the facts must always be followed.  And the F cannot agree because emotions are a person’s powerhouse in their mind and brain and it is hard to ignore them — at times, it’s even impossible. Reason and the facts make sense to one, while emotions and their own sense of right and wrong make sense to the other.

Both have reasons of their own.  But the two opposite poles challenge each other. So, let’s remember that the smallest of issues can mutate into devastating accusations hurled in anger at each other. The first step is always to understand the differences between each other and their importance to each individual.  Stop and listen.  Maybe, also, give each the time to reflect on the relative importance of their reasons or to settle their emotions.

The Path to Great Relationships

We will never develop a great relationship if there is not a willingness to give and take, to sacrifice on the part of both. People settle their differences best with respect and understanding, not argument. Respecting each person must prevail or a relationship is on a slippery slope.

The Foundation of All Great Relationships

Please begin and end disagreements armed with understanding which, as quickly as possible, gives way to respect and love.  That is the foundation of all great relationships.

Discover how each of you makes a decision

Well, these two letters, T and F, reveal where the challenge is or, God forbid, the fight begins. All of us are at times guilty of failure in this important area of life. The Temperament Key will at the very least flag both parties of the danger that may or may not lie ahead.

Discover your InnerKinetics

Next, the final two letters — J and P — and what on earth is their meaning?